Eat Your Pizza If You Want To Ride A Pony

Two sisters. Both pregnant. Sans husbands (apparently they "work" or something).
4 children under the age of 4. One mini van. One hotel room. Road trip to Iowa? No problem.

I wasn't going to go. I had already informed all family members involved with the event that
this 27 week preggo was going to have to bow out gracefully. I just wanted to do EVERYONE a favor,
ya know? Yea you do. But my sister, Nellie, convinced me that it would be "FUN" and proved to me
via Weather.com that it would NOT be the standard 106 degrees for fair week, but a whopping 70
and overcast. Ok. I'm coming. I like a good polar vortex in July.


Our little sister had some horses to show at the county fair, and we didn't want to miss it.
We must love her a lot or something! I mean I don't just put up with HOURS of "are we there
yet?" or "Aunt Birdy is there poop in your belly?" (No, that would be a BABY.)
for anyone.

I know that I was relieved that our parents beat us to the hotel. Between my dad and my
brother, I think all I had to carry in was a stack of pillows and my belly. My kids haven't
stayed in a hotel for a few years, and were kind of worried that we were going to be spending the
night in a "doctor's office." I have no idea. They thought the beds were trampolines too.
Thankfully Uncle Zach and Aunt Abby volunteered for that shift and I watched nervously from the
other side of the room wondering if there was even a real "doctor's office"
out in the middle-of-no-where, Iowa should we break another body part.

I wish someone would have recorded us going out to eat. One kid was dumping out the pepper shaker,
another was screaming because they wanted a cucumber gosh-darn-it, one was poking toothpicks at
people (including strangers), and I'm just like, "NO ONE TOUCH ME UNTIL I FINISH EATING!"
Literally. My own child was weepy because I refused to hold him until I had finished my plate.
He's learning young - the ways of dealing with pregnant women. Handle with care.

And all the while my sister keeps telling her 3 year old, "Eat your pizza if you want
to ride a pony!" Followed by happy shrills and uncontrollable giggling. From the 3 year old.
Not my sister. "Can we get a box, now?! Right now? Anyone?"

We brushed so many crumbs onto the floor, and I forgot to leave a tip.
Good thing they will probably never see us again. Sorry, Pizza Ranch.

It was quite the adventure. One that left its mark all over my van. I'm pretty sure
I vacuumed up a 6 course meal after all was said and done. Last night I was STILL finding
lost toys and DVDs in the deep, dark recesses of that Odyssey.

But we made it! And it really was "fun"!!!

My only tip to other daring souls who like to tackle adventuresome situations:
bring lots of snacks, a solid recording of "Let It Go", and take potty breaks like
it's your job - because ain't nobody got time for an accident. And by "nobody" I'm also including myself.
Pregnancy does things to you. Man. Good times.