We were at the zoo, pressing our hands and noses to the glass of the crocodile exhibit.
I was noticeably pregnant, and a woman with her daughter asked the million dollar question:
"Do you know what you are having?"
Me: "No, we like surprises!!!"
"Well, hopefully it is a GIRL this time so you don't have to be pregnant again!"
Me: *fake laughing* - "Oh, we are just getting started!"
We've had variations of this conversation with at least a dozen strangers since my second
pregnancy. It doesn't bother me in the slightest way, but it never ceases to take me off guard!
You care that much about my fertility? And family size? AWESOME! You just won yourself a
roundtrip ticket to my "openness to life" speech!!! Muhahaha.
I might be exaggerating, when I fill in the blanks with these conversations, but it just
seems that people probably assume that either I or my husband will choose to be sterilized so
that I "don't have to be pregnant again." I mean, I'm 27 - but look like I'm 16 (right?!), I
can't imagine that they envision two decades of me on hormonal birth control?
Could be wrong.
A few weekends ago, my husband and I watched Lois Lowry's The Giver come to life on the
big screen. Being a literature buff, I was a tad disappointed in Hollywood's creative license,
but still overall impressed in the emotion they were able to capture and create.
After the movie was over, I just sat and stared at the TV watching the credits roll by;
winding up my scattered train of thoughts as it went.
If you're not familiar, in this literary dystopian world of The Giver, they take pills to
suppress emotion - killing the desire for intimacy and sex, among other things. Babies don't
come from the loving embrace of a man and woman, but are grown in women as a rule,
(don't really want to start an IVF argument here) from artificial insemination.
People live, grow, and die in a world where color, joy, feelings, love, all the memories of the past
are stolen from them. And it is all seen as a normal, good thing. Those in authority know what is best.
Still talking about the story here.
I looked at my husband, feeling the weight of that futuristic world on my own shoulders,
wanting to cry, and told him that I am so thankful that we still FEEL and have a CHOICE when it
comes to fertility and bearing children. I can't imagine not knowing the goodness of the marital
embrace or the wonder of carrying the life that grows from there.
It is in the gift of being "co-creators" of life that we as humans are most like God - THE CREATOR.
I mean, I can't even wrap my mind around the incredible honor that God bestows upon us in the ability
to generate new life! We are talking bodies with SOULS - eternal souls for an eternal Kingdom!
Without going into any grand biblical, theological, or historical explanation or argument,
this is the heart of why WE have chosen to not be sterilized (or use contraception for that matter).
Nathan and I came into this world with the amazing gift of "sexual organs", for lack of a more
whimsical term, in perfect-ish working order (THANK YOU, LORD! - not taken for granted)...
why "fix" something that is not broken?
I can't imagine, purposefully, removing or stopping what God intended for us as man and wife -
the gift of "co-creating" with HIM in OUR marriage. The sterility in the world of The Giver,
coming full circle now!, seems so dark, heavy - too "lifeless" to bear.
Give me the color, the emotions, the desires.
Give me the ability to give and receive and be filled with LIFE from and with my spouse --
in the great mystery of God.
And I will give you 3 children and counting +++
Because, remember? - we're just getting started!!!
_________________________________________________________________
P.S.
If you want to comment, please be kind and realize this post is NOT meant as an attack,
but merely a reflection, testimony of a way of life that WE have chosen. This isn't about
"I'm right" and "you're wrong" -- and just because we might not "agree" does not mean
we still can't "love." Ok. End disclaimer. It's Christmas-time. Just spare me the hate mail.
P.P.S.
If you or your spouse have been sterilized and have ever reconsidered,
you can e-mail me for resources: lilyfieldmomma@yahoo.com
P.P.P.S. (is that a thing!?)
And what of those that are not financially able to care for all of these children?? Should they continually put their unwanted children up for adoption or worse...just abort them?? And what of those who are not mentally capable of taking care of all these children?? I hardly think that letting children starve due to lack of food/money or just adding them to the several thousand other unwanted children in the system all because you don't feel that "sterilization" should happen. I'm not trying to attack you, but I feel that your belief on this matter is seriously lacking a deeper insight.
ReplyDeleteYea this is hard, Jess. Because I have a funny feeling that my answer to this is only going to leave you with more questions or feelings of apprehension/confusion. Of course those with "grave reasons" should be wise, however they discern and interpret that for themselves, in regards to bringing children into this world. This isn't about throwing all caution to the wind and "just being another family of Duggars". This is ultimately about responsible marriage/parenthood -- and WE see it as not "standing in the way of God or what He intends" by avoiding sterilization and contraceptives. WE have chosen to use Natural Family Planning in our marriage -- observing my fertility cycle and making a decision to abstain in seasons of "you name it" (there a several posts on this under my Natural Family Planning tab). Twice since we've been married we've chosen to abstain during "fertile periods of my cycle" (lasting approx. 7-9 days) due to medical and financial reasons. But 7-9 daaaays!? Most people I tell that to freak out on me! Lol. But I feel like even WITHOUT using Natural Family Planning that a whole week easily slips by without having sex! Am I right?! I mean -- you just get busy with other things and yea. Also the point of "effectiveness" always comes up. But to that I can only say I know dozens of babies born while their mother was on "the pill" or their father was sterilized. It happens. Abstinence is 100% effective though -- as long as you know and really follow the "plan". And even then -- God steps in sometimes! Which I think is crazy awesome-- because He ultimately knows what is best. But you might not believe in God so that could possibly mean nothing to you. I don't know. Sooooo like I said -- this response is just hard as it obviously stems from my deep love for my God and faith. I just think there are "other ways" around sterilization and contraception that don't have physical consequences (I've never met a woman not suffering from one or more side effects of hormonal birth control or a tubal ligation) or emotional effects on a marriage due to hormones/feelings/emotions being disturbed/hurt from what the "system" says is a medically sound idea. So yes. Like I said, I'm sure this will only bring up more questions, confusion or even feelings of disgust towards my personal beliefs. But believe me when I say: I TRULY believe with my WHOLE HEART in the well being of men, women, and babies!!! MY views are not an attack either -- but simply a way of life that WE have chosen to live. A way that brings so much joy, peace, health, and happiness to our marriage and family life. But yea. Not everyone sees that or gets that. And that's ok. Just sharing my heart <3
DeleteThanks for commenting and being respectful about it! Means a lot. I know these topics can get heated as they come SO CLOSE to the center of who we are as humans. God bless you!!! XO