Epic Adventure

2017 is going to be a year of epic adventure.

And I'm not buckling my seat belt for this.

No. I am standing with my head out the sun roof,
arms spread open wide, Dara Maclean blaring on the radio (( PUSH PLAY ))....


....and I am smile-screaming into the wind!!!!!!
Obviously, this is all beautiful imagery *wink*
and I STRONGLY support the use of seat belts while operating a vehicle.
For the past 3 years now I have spoken a "word" or two over my life -- trying to harness
a vision for myself and family. Something to latch on to. Something to inspire, drive, carry me....

And this year: EPIC ADVENTURE, my friends.

EPIC.

Last January I decided to "try" working for Young Living.
That felt safe. I'll "try". I'll "see what happens".

I was totally that person who thought that one in a million people win at network marketing.
I thought it takes a special person. Super human abilities. Luck. The right company. The right timing.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

You want to know what I learned?

I learned that NONE of that is true!

I learned that this works if you work it.
I learned that like any other job, if you show up, invest, learn, grow -- it moves you.

Judah recently told my husband that his favorite truck is a Fedex truck. HA!
When Nathan asked him why, he said, "Because it delivered this super cool blue case
filled with lots of oils that smell aaaaaaaamazing!!!!" Staaaahp. How cute.

It was a THANK YOU gift from Young Living for leading my community!!!!
And I'm like.... floored, humbled, grateful. What the heck?! Best. Job. Ever.

You know when I finished college with my bright shiny double-major degree, I had stars in my eyes.
I wanted to do BIG THINGS. Don't we all?

Then one baby after the next, I found myself doing a lot of LITTLE things in the secret, quiet of my
home. I'm talking about the little things that are bigger than life, ya know? The changing of the diapers,
rocking, holding, bathing, living in the trenches of newborn motherhood.

And I thought, "Did. God. forget. me?!?!?! Does He not see my resume!??!"

I tried to do MORE. I kid you not, I was rejected when I applied for nursing home ministry
in the suburbs (because I had a baby that I wanted to bring). I was told "we don't need anyone"
when I contacted my church to see if I could help with children's faith formation. I joined a
mom's group, only to find out that I could barely attend because my child HATED the nursery
and I felt no peace the entire time.

I remember telling Nathan, "I know this is God's good will, but it's HARD."
It's hard to be still when your whole personality and body is wired for adventure, you guys!

Moms, you hear me?! It is HARD. And I see you!!!! And I am cheering you on!!!!

As I was praying and thinking over this new year, I started to cry.... aaaaand I'm crying again....

I told Nathan, I feel like after 7 years (such a good number!),
God is ushering me into a new season of my life; a new phase of the journey!

ALL THE DESIRES OF MY HEART. IN HIS PERFECT TIMING.
I have gotten to see, experience, live so much good!!!!!

And now? Here's looking at you, 2017!

I am excited to be a daughter of a good, good Father and the wife to an amazing man of the Kingdom.
I am excited to be home with my kids: homeschooling, gardening, doing community with our people.
I am excited to be working for Young Living: sharing, loving, leading people into health and wellness.

You guys, PINCH ME!!!

The fact that I get to spend every day doing the things I love best?

I'm ready for this EPIC ADVENTURE... and I want to take you with me!!!!
I have endless seats on my bus. With dozens of sun roofs and enough speakers
to carry the good vibes all the way to the back!!! Whatever you need.

I'm your girl.

The Gift of Business from Brittany Vail on Vimeo.

****I want to close with this last bit, because I think it's important and if it can change your life,
your story or situation -- I WANT THAT. I am voting all over that! This Young Living business has
rocked my world. My health. My spirituality. It has pulled YUCK out of my heart and changed me.

And then there is the money. Because this is a job (SEE INCOME DISCLOSURE).
And if $500, $2000, $144,000 a MONTH -- whatever YOUR number is -- could make a difference --
let's do this thing.

And together, NOT ALONE (I lead a TEAM, my friends!!!),
we ARE making this a year of growth, grace and....


EPIC ADVENTURE!!!!

Miscarriage

I woke up to Nathan kissing me on the forehead, "Hey, I am leaving for work."
I was so sleepy; had been falling asleep on the couch after dinner every night for two weeks.
"Something is seriously wrong with me?!" I joked.

That morning I grabbed a pregnancy test (because I keep stock - you're welcome Dollar Tree!) and
peed in a cup. Three drops later I walked out of the bathroom and thought, "I can't look at the answer
without Nathan!!!!" So I gently slid the stick into an envelope and set it on our bedroom dresser.

I know I know -- I've had the determination and will power of a two year old refusing nap time for
as long as I can remember. Ha. I did NOT peek. That afternoon I slipped the envelope into my purse
and drove to church where we were meeting as a family for Mass: feast of the Immaculate Conception.

We sang the last hymn and I looked over at Nathan who was shocked to find out that I had actually
brought the pregnancy test to Mass. SURPRISE!!! I opened the envelope and at first didn't see the
second line... and then I looked again, "Oh my gosh, BABE! There are TWO lines!!!"

To which we both immediately questioned the QUALITY of a pregnancy test that had been taken
hours and hours prior to reading the results. We both agreed that it was anti-climatic
and went out for tacos. Lol.

But in the back of my mind I knew it had to be right.
I don't typically crave deli turkey, Lucky Charms, pop tarts and oranges!!!


I waited 3 more days and checked again. Definitely POSITIVE.
Checked the next day too, because I'm a skeptic and was in total HAPPY shock!!!
THREE positive tests. My fourth pregnancy. "I'll call the doctor when I hit eight weeks or soooo..."

We were excited and planning a way to tell our kids and family for Christmas!!!

A week later, somewhere between 4/5 weeks, it began.
I went to bed in peace thinking the spotting was just a fluke. Not a big deal.

But I woke up the next morning, December 16th, and realized it wasn't going to stop.

Shaking, I texted my sister. Not sure what to do. "I feel sick," I whispered over the phone
to Nathan. That day my doctor sent me in to run labs -- but I could feel that something had changed.

Like a light had gone out?

I threw on a hoodie with half blow-dried hair and put the kids in the van. As I was backing out
of the driveway I noticed that my neighbor's parents were parked in front of my house. The mom was
crying in the passenger's seat and dabbing her eyes with tissues as the dad unloaded flowers from
their own daughter's funeral. Another child taken before a parent. Never enough time.
Life passes so quickly.

I cried as a I drove away. My heart hurt for them and for us. I knew.

My labs came back the next day. The numbers were there.
Definitely pregnant. But low. Definitely losing life.

And that's when about twelve different emotions go through your body at the same time,
and you're not really sure which one to latch on to... ?! The lies. Oh the lies.

"You're broken. You failed. You did something wrong.
God doesn't love you. He doesn't want you to be happy. Etc etc etc..."

I thought I had no right to be sad. I know others who have lost "older" babies --
"harder" situations -- "greater" suffering. I have three living, healthy, beautiful children.
I have friends who can't conceive at all. Be tough. Be brave. You're fine. Get over it.

I felt empty, disappointed, sad; in shock really. Then tears. Waves of tears coming and going
as powerful and as quickly as life given and taken away again.

But somewhere in the midst of all of that, God came down and rescued me. And His peace and grace
that surpasses all understanding rushed and filled and changed my heart, and I found the courage
to speak OUT LOUD the truths against those lies....

the truth that God sees us all separately in our suffering and that there is no measure for His
compassion and mercy that He pours out on me or you or anyone else. It just is. It's perfect.
And exactly what each of us needs in the time it is given.

FREEDOM!!!!!! Friends!!!! What darkness was sent to lie and bind me, to hold my heart hostage,
was broken by the fierce and magnificent LIGHT of the truth our God brings. He is the Dawn and
I am standing in that warmth with arms open wide delivering our dear Glory baby....

into eternal life!!!!!
She opens her eyes to meet Jesus.

Forever in our hearts.
You are part of our story, little Glory.
We love you and will see you in paradise!!!!



+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I want to say THANK YOU to all those who have called, sent messages and flowers, or who
have helped with our children. THANK YOU for the real life and virtual hugs. THANK YOU for
loving me and our family and for walking this journey to heaven with us. You know who you are!

It is beautiful. We are blessed. XO.

Homeschooling My Kids Ruined My Life

I have thought all along that because this is how I grew up, that this is what my family did, that being
a second generation homeschooler would make me happy. It makes sense; it's part of my identity,
my ethos. I am one of twenty-one grandchildren on my mother's side, and all of us were homeschooled.

This is what we do.

We ordered all the books and went through all the motions this year. Counting, rhyming, memorizing,
sounding out words -- starting over -- crying, laughing, reading good stories and drinking warm tea.

We explored the world around us more than the books on our shelves; making notes and coloring in the
details of the magic found in nature, free play and being little. We collected all the treasures to
keep in our pockets, mason jars and hearts.

Instead of the routine I had envisioned, it was raw and unpredictable. I had goals for me and
my children; milestones and achievements I wanted to hang on the wall. Not for accolades of course,
but just for me to know, "Hey, we did that" --

some came easy, some came hard, and some didn't come at all.

There were days I tried to stuff our school into this box of expectations and elaborations;
doing all the things that I thought we must be doing to be a real school --

beating myself up at the dinner table, "He didn't get it. We had to start over. I'm doing something wrong." I'd throw my hands in the air, go to sleep and wake up to start all over again. Is this it?
Is this what I am going to spend the next 25+ years of my life doing? Schooling children in my bathrobe
and messy bun with a barely warm cup of coffee in hand?!!!!

And believe it or not, somewhere in the middle of all that, I think I found myself?

Somewhere between singing math facts for peanut butter cups and snuggling on the couch
to devour Magic Tree House books -- somewhere between wiping finger paints off the walls
and scraping play doh out of my carpet --

I realized that homeschooling my kids had ruined my life in the best way.

It had changed me and made me a better person and mama. Nudging me, sometimes ruffling my feathers,
straight out of my comfort zone and into this new place where I am being transformed...

learning to "let it go" and just plain have more grace on myself and my children --
being ok to forget perfection and just do what's perfect "for us".

It has made me little and curious again. With a thirst to explore, go outside, get messy.
I want to BE IN IT with them -- the world brand new all over again!!!

I didn't see it coming. The gift to be had in the ebb and flow of teaching and learning
with my children. What a gift.

A Redemption Story

I have stared at a blank, white computer screen for the past hour or so
with a story filled heart and not enough right or holy words to do this justice.

I feel vulnerable.

It's going to sound dramatic, but for as long as I can remember I have struggled with feeling
like a burden. A demon must have whispered deeply into my ear because I somehow drank it all in;
that devil's milk. I've spent most of my life trying to be better, the best - holding my own -
please don't even notice I am here.

Don't be a burden.

I was twenty-five years old. We had gone to my grandparent's house for a weekend stay, and the
entire time I was scheming up ways to make our presence barely noticeable. I'll never forget.
We were standing in her dining room when my grandma grabbed my shoulders and
looked deep, soul healing level, into my eyes,

"You are not a burden. I want to take care of you."

Words are powerful.

Chains fell that day.


Like most people, I'd say my life is pretty evenly full of all the good things and all the
disappointments. I was and am loved deeply by family. I've celebrated and traveled. Accomplished
dreams. Done hard things. I've felt the blows and seen the damage as loved ones battle sickness,
addiction, betrayal. I've had my heart broken. I've lost friends. I've had my childhood home and
life slip between my fingers. All out of my control. All ultimately in HIS.

I thought I was fine, just fine, going through all the motions of college, ministry, marriage -
even a couple babies - before I began collapsing, shutting down -- diagnosed autoimmune --
flesh attacking flesh. Almost as if I wanted it to happen? To feel something, to control something,
to make myself the victim so that no one, nothing could hurt me again.

That's hard to admit. It's hard to say that I withheld forgiveness and mercy.
That I decided to "be my own god" and run from true healing.
Like a child holding tightly to a skinned knee, I refused the Band-Aid.

And all along God was patiently waiting for me, writing a story of redemption for me.
I couldn't see the significance of each encounter at the time. But He was placing people in my path --
a patient husband, Franciscan sister, a healer, a counselor, new friends, a chiropractor, doctors....

But I clung to the bitterness.

Withholding grace somehow made me feel powerful.
When in reality, it was literally weakening my very flesh.

One night on Twitter, I saw a comment from another blogger and recognized that she was living in
the EXACT SAME TOWN that my parents had recently moved to when everything fell apart.
The town I just didn't ever want to visit or pardon.

But the next time I went to Iowa, I decided to meet up with this girl and make a new friend
in spite of circumstances. (thankfully she really was a friendly Twitter girl! ha!)


I left that afternoon in the park with Nicole Neesby having NO IDEA
that such CHANGE was going to come into my life through that town I hated,
through the chance meeting of a girl I saw on social media.

We were both pregnant with our babies at the time, but the birth of mine would leave me in the darkest
place I've ever been in my entire life. Postpartum depression is real.

This girl reached out and asked me if I would try essential oils...
And I told her "NO!" And "NO!" again... "I can't. I have so many allergies and
sensitivities! I don't need one more thing!"

She sent me an article on allergies, autoimmune disorders, cell damage --- and the need to
repair our bodies from emotional trauma at the leukocyte level. I cried all over that email.
THIS IS MY STORY.

I took that article to my counselor and told him, "I am cutting myself.
I am slashing at my heart, my mind, body -- every day -- because I refuse to let it all go."

I'll never forget the look on his face. He smiled and nodded, "This is big."

I was being ushered into a place I never thought I would find again.
Suddenly all the people, all the moments and conversations were colliding -- everything rising,
everything converging, and I'm just in tears, "Why does God love me so much?"


I wept. I prayed. I chose forgiveness and GRACE.
Nicole then mailed me a roller bottle of JOY essential oil with a note to use over my heart,
and EndoFlex to support my hormonal system as it readjusted in this new chapter of my life!!!

It changed me.

My dear immune specialist sat me down one afternoon and told me,
"Brittany! You've received SO MUCH GOOD!
You must find a way to give back."

I say it often, but I don't think people really understand how sincerely I believe God was and is
fiercely coming after me, after you. And how He uses so many people and avenues, even a Twitter girl
and a company called Young Living to wreck my life in order to make it new again.

"You are NOT a burden. I WANT to take care of you."

Over and over again. The message has always been clear. He thought of me in His creation and knew the
people I would meet and the work of His fields I would one day be gifted. He gave me the doctors and the
therapist and the friends and blogging community...

And so I GIVE BACK through Young Living; in the gift of supporting, leading and cheering on
a community of people, families -- who want to experience radical, awesome change on all the levels!!!
I can't even begin to tell you about the deep gladness it brings to my heart.

He is in the details. He is in the disappointments and tragedies, the sickness and broken heart.
He is in the change - the JOY - the celebrations. Heck, He is even in Twitter!

And it's all just some big excuse to prepare my heart for the day I meet Him face to face --
to put me through that refiner's fire as He begs me to hand Him those vices I cling to, to let Him
have that skinned knee


so that He can save me...

so that He can save you...



Amen.





If you are looking for more information on Young Living, please e-mail me

oilwellsociety@gmail.com || @oilwellsociety

If you are looking to enroll into an awesome community CLICK HERE.
I'll be there to meet you!!! XO.

Life Lately

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I made chocolate chip cookies "for my kids" *wink wink*.
Being real health conscious, I rationed out two cookies per child, and fed myself six.
That's what moms do. They take one, or in my case six, for the team.

I feel like we are all just a little expectant /slash/ crazy over here. We open the front door every
morning expecting Cancun and then spend the rest of the day running around the 18X20 living room
like crazy because we live in the Midwest. And Mother Nature hates us here.

I really do love the four seasons. No lie. It's just rough with the chicken nuggets all cooped up inside.
So we skateboard down the hallway and carry on. Winter nature hikes with our Wild + Free group
save us. Until someone face plants in the snow. Then it's tears and false claims about limbs freezing
and falling off. But we've been finding some awesome tracks and loving the fresh air!




My sister came to visit with her crew! It was awesome until all four toddlers woke up in the middle
of the night with the stomach flu. It was as awful as it sounds. Quality bonding material though.
The family that pukes together... stays together?

Seriously this is TMI but there was someone throwing-up/screaming every thirty minutes
from 10PM to 6AM. It was like a horror movie that wouldn't end. I kept whispering to Jesus,
"Remember this penance when I get to heaven!" I bleached the bathroom seven times
and still shudder when I walk by. Out of the three adults, I was the only one to catch it
and join the pukey pack. What is that!?

It's because I eat six cookies.

But it was so good to see them!!! Wishing they were not so far away.

Bella slept with us for a week straight during her recovery. Poor thing. We soaked up every minute.
And then I realized that she no longer sucks her fingers. I am definitely somewhere between
heartbroken that my baby is growing up and jubilant that we didn't have to break that habit for her.

But seriously you know the "last time" for so many joys of childhood come, but nothing can prepare
or soothe the momma heart in regards to that. Unless we are talking about the last diaper change.
Then maybe I throw a party. No tears. Just confetti and high fives.

Ok well other than that, it's been all homeschooling, soccer, Valentine's Day, Lent, Young Living ---
You know the more I think about it, winter may be long and cold, but there is much to enjoy in
the stillness and slowing down. Like the fact that I can eat ice cream every day without thinking
"Will this make me look bloated in my swimsuit?" So we will soak up these last days of February
for the good that they DO bring and look forward in crazy expectancy to the
first day of spring next month!!! NEXT month!!!!

P.S. my legs are so white, the South Pole is jealous.

Sincerely,
Brittany

You Changed Me

Before there was you, there was hot coffee and uninterrupted lunch dates. There was time to clean the house and put on make-up - do homework, go to work. I could stay up late, sleep til noon, leave without telling anyone - whenever I wanted to. I was basically a rockstar.

And now I speak of the lines, the stretchmarks that are etched deep, hard into my skin that read of a time before we began. I now can run on very little sleep, make it through a day with no solid meals and find a way to bounce, sway, rock back and forth - sitting down, standing up to help you fall asleep. I am able to just look at you and know you're sick, you're tired, you're hungry - calling for me to nurse life into you. Liquid gold, my body now makes that. We're talking superhuman trumps the rockstar.

I've been broken down, made wide, pulled thin all at the same time. I've cracked and bled; processing pain I've never known, riding a depthless ocean of hormones that bind me closer to you through the tears, the laughter, the explosive kind of love I knew when your heart beat next to mine - skin on skin - for the first time.

You changed me.

I gave birth to you, but you also gave birth to me as a mother, and now we are bound up in this lifelong story of growing together. And all that stuff that happened before there was you - before there was us - pales in comparison to the adventure we now know.

I love how God chose me for this; how He chose you for me and me for you. All to draw us deeper into communion with Him, His plan, eternity. We are here to sharpen and refine one another in our domestic church, our mission for sainthood. And somehow that makes the cold coffee and early wake-up calls golden because they have purpose - they drive us deeper into the mystery of life given for life; a holy, maternal sacrifice. And it is all so alluring, addicting - like we are tasting a sliver of the love God pours out for all of His children.

You changed me.
He changed us.
And it is good.

Motherhood: My Cloistered Years

Every morning I am not woken by an alarm clock, but by the sound of toddler boys
crawling out of their bunk beds, feet still heavy with sleep, trudging into our bedroom or
down the hallway; on the hunt for breakfast or to check and see if mom forgot to unplug the Wii.
The baby must be just waiting in her crib for the first sound of life in our house because as
soon as there is movement, there is Bella Jane.



Our days are warm and slow. Since we have decided to homeschool, there is no morning rush or
lunches to pack. We take our time over bowls of oatmeal; wiping sleep from our eyes, opening up the
blinds to let the sunshine in for the day, really seeing each other.




The kids all stand at the door, or if there isn't any snow they step out on the porch to brave
the cold for a few minutes, to wave goodbye to papa as he leaves for work. Isaiah always yells,
"What time will you be home?" And Nathan always yells back, "I'll see you for supper, buddy!"
And I just wonder if maybe he is the favorite parent after all?! Ha.

We do school and work on projects. We clean the house and prepare food.
We go for walks and play at the park. We visit Jesus at church and say our prayers.
We nap. We read. We drink hot chocolate. We watch Netflix like everyone else.

It is lovely. I mean it is hard, but lovely.



Someone told me awhile back that this is the only time in my entire life when all of my children
are completely depending on me. And even though that makes me want to curl into a ball and weep
with Ben and Jerry some days, most of the time I see it as such a small window of GIFT in my
vocation of motherhood. This will never happen again. And I know that God has so much prepared
for me in what I have dubbed my "cloistered years".

I want to look through that window -
take in the view and stay.

It is quiet and hidden and scoffed at by the world.
But this isn't about earthly accolades. This is about eternity.

How to Change the World

Do you remember when no one had smart phones? Life before Facebook and all the other social media outlets born every 5 seconds? It is crazy. I feel like a successful blogger these days needs to be able tweet while pinning a DIY project they are going to Snapchat about before they post a picture on Instagram for all the whole wide world to catch later on that Periscope dance party that they are blogging about... right now sharing to Facebook. Answer all the e-mails, respond to all the comments, build an online community, stake some territory on the digital frontier,

change the world.



I'm not saying that any or all of this is bad. I guess I am just processing and asking myself "WHAT WORLD" does God want me to change at this exact moment of my life? Where do I fall in? Or where do I fall off? Because I feel like I'm doing more falling off these days. Fall-er off-er. That's me. I used to fight it, but I go willingly these days.

I seriously feel panicky thinking about deleting all my accounts and asking for a flip phone *dinosaur roars* for Christmas, but it's tempting! So I give it up for Lent and fickle hiatuses to remember how it feels to be less connected to the internet and more connected to the world happening around me. Because I still remember life before all of this.

And I crave it. Somehow that makes me feel alien or grandma? Grandma Alien. Seriously, I'm buying rocking chairs for my front porch next Spring and that's where you are going to find me!

Oh no - this isn't a goodbye (again. lol.) or anything like that.

Having babies has changed me. I've struggled for years with letting go of what I think I should be doing to be keeping up with who I was or what I was able to accomplish in college, work, ministry. I've put all this pressure on myself to be a wife and momma AND all those other things I used to be.

I feel like there's so much pressure out there for maintaining your identity. Don't let motherhood change you. You can be a mom and all the other things too. Do more, be more, follow, like, repeat. And you guys, I am tired.

Motherhood has changed me. And that's ok. In fact, I'd say it's good and right and holy.

It's been so relieving to move a little further away from the "outlets" - to even let some things go (RIP Twitter + Pinterest) - and be more present to the community God has placed all around me.

My babies are only little once. And life lately has been busy! The beautiful season of fall is in full swing and we've been celebrating in all the ways! It is fun to have kids old enough to chime in with their own memories and ideas - kind of scary too. Ha. But they are so much fun and such a blessing in our marriage and family!!!

Slowing down for them, for this season of my life, just makes sense. It's not an excuse from the "situation" but an invitation for me. To stop trying to change the "world world" and focus more on the "world" God has given to ME. Just me.

If Facebook forgets me, it's ok. I'm cool with being remembered by three little pumpkin heads in the most important "world" I will ever influence.

I just said "world" a lot. #world