Childrenisms

I do some pretty awesome things when my husband is working all day. *pats self on back*
Recently, I managed to rearrange all of our living room furniture -- which included shoving
a very hefty loveseat down our hallway and into our master bedroom. When he finally got home
to the "surprise", I equated the whole moving the couch into the master bedroom scenario to

"giving birth".

I told him, "You must LOVE it! I birthed that couch for us!" Lol.

Disturbing imagery, I know. But I think it highlights the creative labor I put forth
to make my our interior design dreams come true.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is my children. I did truly birth them.
Do you know the other day while I was shopping at Whole Foods (because this would only happen at
Whole Foods) a very energetic, normal-looking woman chased me down the aisle waving and smiling....

Stranger: "Yoohoo! You have two boys and a girl!
You MUST tell me what you DID to get a girl!"

And I'm thinking, clearly she knows 'what to do'.

But no, this lady wants legitimate tips on conceiving a girl. Like down to vaginal pH
and ovulation theories. And I'm just here for fermented pickles, not a fertility lesson!

This "stranger" was suddenly becoming my new BFF. I mean I don't just talk about mucus patterns
with anyone. Oh my gosh this REALLY happened. But then she just said, "We have the three boys,
and I just don't know if I can do one more pregnancy... and not get a girl!"

To which I consoled her with really not consoling news at all, "Well, I really hope we can
have a few more! They are just awesome -- no matter what!!!"

Her whole face changed. But not in a bad way. She THANKED me.

Stranger now BFF: "It's so relieving to hear you say that! I don't want to feel
alone in this! And I think big families are great!

And I'm just standing there like, "What just happened?!"
I hope you name your child, Brittany Awesome, dear lady. Ha.
#cultureoflife #missionwhereyoustand


But I concur.

Big families are awesome, and I just love doing life with these people God gave me --
they make everything so fun...ny.


Me: "How did you get so good at drawing dinosaurs?"
Judah: "Well, I waited 100 years... and then I could just do it!"
Me: "But you're only 4 years old."
Judah: "Well, ok so 4 years..."
Me: "Gotcha."


Isaiah: "Mom, are you making dinner or eating cookies again?"
Me:

Isaiah: "Mom, how much do pets cost?"
Me: "Well, it depends on what you want to buy. Like a pet fish would cost about $3."
Isaiah: "I was thinking T-REX."
Me: "Buddy, dinosaurs are not alive anymore."
Isaiah: "What! Are you kidding me?"


Me: "How many pieces of candy did you eat?"
Judah: "ONE!"
Me: "Then why are there NINE wrappers in your bedroom?"
Isaiah: "Well, we EACH had one."
Me: "Well, there's only TWO of you!"
Isaiah:
Judah:

Judah: "I love you!"
Me: "YEA?! Why do you love me?"
Judah: "Because you're a good cooker and picker upper. You also know a lot about oils."


Me: "Why do we eat vegetables?"
Judah: "I only eat carrots."
Isaiah: "OOH OOH OH!! So we are not constipated!!!!"
Judah: "That is not right."

Me: "You guys, please be quiet, I am tutoring Anna."
Isaiah: "Toot-er."
Judah: "YEA! Toot!"
Both: "TOOTER ANNA!!!!!"
#minions


Judah: "What can we call this hammer?"
Me: "Knuckle Sandwich?"
Judah: "How about AWESOME? Rock Star? Or Punk?"
Me: "Whaaaaa?"
Judah: "Or sponge."

Bella: *screaming* *throwing things from purse*
Me: "Would you like some water?"
Bella: "NO!"
Me: "Would you like a snack?"
Bella: "NO!"
Me:
Bella: "MONEY!!!!!!!"

I Have to Earn My Husband's Love

Marriage is funny. It's like you think you know someone well enough to go and marry
them, vowing to spend the rest of your God-given life by their side, and then you wake up,
oh every other morning, like, "WHO ARE YOU?!"



Don't get me wrong. It's pretty fantastic. The quirkier the better, right?
Change, habits, old jokes that are getting reeeeally old, and the whole new level
of "I just farted under the covers and I don't care" comfort -- are gold.

Marriage is basically an Ivy League level education in EVERY department.
For example: after my husband successfully switched my old phone to a new one...

Nathan: "Did you get my texts?"
Me: "Yes."
Nathan: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yea, you said, 'That will be $75. In kisses!'"
Nathan: "The next time you send me a flirtatious text I am go to read it back
to you like an Encyclopedia article."
Me:

They don't teach THAT in Marriage and Family where I went to school.
You got to learn those ropes in the trenches, people.

Mental note: respond better to flirtatious texts in the future.

This morning I woke up and found a very damp hand towel hanging by the shower in
our master bathroom. I felt bad as I chuckled at the thought of my husband drying
himself off with such meager material. And then I thought, "he didn't say a word."

We have TEN regular bath towels, all of which were dirty (which is saying a lot since we reuse towels) and he didn't mention it. Like he doesn't care that I'm not a laundry goddess or something. He also kissed my sleeping face goodbye around 7:30AM and didn't mention THAT either.
The whole I was sleeping, and he was going to work deal.

But in my defense, I didn't get to go to bed early like he did. It's like we have a 4 month
old and episodes of Fixer Upper to watch or something. Just sayin'. Ha.

I recently asked my husband to tell me all the ways that he felt loved by me.
I definitely was naïve in thinking that "all the ways" would be the same for "all the years".
Rookie wives. I tell ya.

After we both took some notes, Ivy League level notes, Nathan looked at me and asked if
I knew that I didn't have to earn his love. That things like clean bath towels, dinner,
and an orderly home are nice, but not needed for him to love me.

I shot him the squinty eye and was like, "Um we should experiment with that. Pretty sure
you'd be fed up after a couple weeks of eating cereal for dinner and dousing yourself in
cologne to mask the dirty laundry fact." WIFE FOR SALE.

DON'T HAVE TO EARN HIS LOVE
Call me wounded I guess. My brain doesn't register that well, and it makes my heart hurt.
Work hard, get rewarded. Family of origin? Country of birth? Oldest child syndrome?
You just DO things and people are happy, right? Get it out of my head.

The other day my counselor asked me what I would say if my child came up to me and said,
"Mommy, I'm going to do everything I can to make you love me." WHOA.

"Stop," I sighed. I would say, "Stop. There's not ANYTHING you can do to add or take
away one ounce of my love for you." It's complete. Whole. Unconditional.

And yes, I think that God maybe loves me like that; that my husband loves me like that.
It's mind blowing. A holy and humbling experience. Jesus' love is one thing, but to be
vulnerable to a human? To trust that I am enough and all the other things are nice,
but not needed? WHOA. Jesus, are you sure? Nathan, are you sure?

Whoever the Jesus, mother, father, child, husband, etc. figure is in your life...
are you sure?

COME AS YOU ARE.
Just rest in that.

"Come to Me, all you who are weary
and burdened, and I will give you rest."
- Matthew 11:28
Now I'm not saying things are perfect or anything, but it's nice to peel back another
layer, go one level deeper, take two steps forward and trust and feel and love in that
space of new vulnerability. All bath towels aside. It's warm and fuzzy until...

My husband walks in the door from work, still chatting away on that irritating little
earpiece I went and *rolls eyes* bought him for Christmas... "Who was that, hun?"

We'll call his pal, John.

Nathan: "Yea John set a wedding date with his fiancé. August 14th of this year!"
Me: "That's CRAZY!" I said, eyes lighting up with serendipity.
Nathan:
Me: "Do you know what August 14th is?"
Nathan:
Me: "Wow. Only took 5 years to forget our anniversary."
Nathan: "Well, what is August 9th then?"
Me:

Well, that must have been the day you married the other girl. I don't know! Are you
kidding me? I see a lot of drying off with hand towels in your near future, buddy.
Jk. Jk.

COME AS YOU ARE, oh forgetful one.
I love you.

Rookie Parents

Last week our 3 year old had the croup. I wouldn't wish that sort of crazy on my
worst enemy-parent. Ever. I told my mom that I'm pretty sure I could pass military
training without shedding a tear now. I mean it doesn't get more intense than not sleeping,
barely eating because you are feeding everyone else all the freaking time, spending your
free time rotating air purifiers, cool air vaporizers, and wiping down every touchable
surface with soap and water. And THEN going for walks at 3 in the blessed morning in a
brisk 10 degrees... thanking God because the cold air helps.

"Make sure you put a shirt on him before you go outside," I helpfully reminded my husband.
He didn't say anything, but I could feel the "I'm not stupid, woman!" laser beams from his
eyes burning in my direction. My bad. Captain Obvious here, reporting for duty.


But you guys, men and women raise babies differently. I reminded him of the obvious because
he does things like, "two pees" or sometimes even "three pees". Do you know what that means?
Let me tell you. "Two pees" equals two toddlers peeing into a very small oval target in the
bathroom. "Three pees" equals two toddlers and A MAN peeing into a very small oval target
in the bathroom. Hold me.

And the other day? I turned around at Whole Foods to see my little guys eating ice chips
out of the beverage display in the prepared foods department. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Daddy said we can eat them."

Excuse me while I hold the eyeballs that just fell out of my head. I stood in awe as Nathan
argued that there were more germs at the library play center than in the beverage display.
Oh good. Let's make sno-cones.


5 years a parent and I still feel like we are such newbies.

In many ways I find this whole parenthood thing harder to adjust to than getting married.
I mean it was one thing to merge the hearts of two people in love. Quite another to let
those two, different, strongly opinionated, "I can raise babies with my eyes closed"
attitude, people have children together.

I mean we definitely discussed the whole thing before we even walked down the aisle.
We talked about faith, discipline, responsibility, allowance, baby names before a child
was ever even conceived. Totally thought we were the Toyota Sienna swag van couple:
"I'm an awesome parent. True!" Ha. Humility is good for the soul.

One Easter, a few years back, we BOTH made dinner plates for the kids.
We got to the table, turned and saw what the other had already done, and sighed. My uncle,
who has 8 children of his own, saw the whole thing and laughed, "ROOKIE PARENTS."

I probably punched him in the shoulder and told him to shut up, but the truth of the
matter is we NEED it. We need the forgiveness that humor often brings. We need the
"You're doing a great job!" or "Have you tried this?" from the next parent over.

They say, "it takes a village." They tell no lies.

I'd say I'm a fairly confident, perhaps even to a fault, person in general. But with
parenting? I crave the affirmation, opinion, guidance of others who have gone before me.

Because y'all, parenthood is no joke.

Not too long ago I asked my husband what he would do if I was taken hostage. I'm a planner.
It's nice to hash these things out. Just in case. Ha! Without missing a beat, he just said,
"I'd do anything, but give up one of our children for you."


There it is. The truth that every parent knows so well. We love our children, as mom or dad,
in a fiercely passionate, radically beautiful way. Even though on the day-to-day level it
comes out as extraordinarily different. I'm over here building play-doh villages to fire up
the motor skills and stimulate their little minds, and daddy is telling them that they can
have pocket knives when they turn EIGHT.

I'll probably veto all over that.

But who knows. I'll be a little less "rookie" by then.





I cannot encourage you enough to reach out today and share whatever wisdom or grace
you've received in your years of parenting with the next parent over. Let's make it a habit?
This "we're all ok" culture is failing. We need each other, we need community.
We all need to be mothered and fathered again and again -- spiritually and biologically.
Find the nearest rookie parent near you!!! Help save a mother from "two pees". XO