Monday, January 21, 2013

a confession of bodily proportions

I've always been pretty comfortable in my skin.
Minus that pudgy awkward stage... oh between 10 and 12 years old. We all went through that, right?!

I've been 5'7" for as long as I can remember.
Always seeming to weigh in around 135 pounds.

That was... until I had babies.

My first pregnancy won me 60 pounds of baby love spread all over my body, a c-section scar,
and lots, and by lots I mean "too many to count", of stretch marks from my neck to my toosh.

Pregnancy and breastfeeding took me from a solid B cup to a voluptuous D.
It was like I had implants... but NOT.
That took a little getting use to. Not gonna lie!

As my first child was weening, I found out I was pregnant with baby #2!
My body didn't really have a chance to ever go back to it's "normal" size.

Even though I started pregnancy #2 off by weighing in at 135 pounds (that was relieving),
my hips, thighs, boobs, pelvis, etc. just seemed OFF.
Not quite the body I remembered or saw in old pictures!

9 months later I found myself to have gained 55 pounds... and the stretch marks became little trenches.
You have those too? Phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

My second baby weaned himself around 13 months old and things drastically changed.
(Remember, I fluctuated between 135 and 195 pounds for over 2 years)

I grew an INCH,
I lost all the baby weight and THEN SOME (putting me in the 125 range),
And I landed myself back in the land of B cups!

Sounds good, right?! I'm not going to lie and say that the journey has been easy. But it HAS been worth it! I've shed tears over not feeling comfortable in my skin as I have gone through the stages of being a mother. Maybe you can relate?

My kids have stamped their little "fingerprints" all over me.
My hips were jammed open, my boobs grew so much I thought they would burst,
and every once in awhile, pelvic pain likes to remind me that I gave birth to two very large babies!

And... I would do it all over again. Truly.

Every pound, stretch mark, pelvic cramp, bra size, etc. is NOTHING compared to the PRIZE I have received in my children.

My husband refers to all my "lines" as my "baby tattoos."

The other day he gave me a spiel that brought tears to my eyes.
I was having a little pity party for myself - ya know... being all sad about not having the same body that I got married with.

"I'm small and wrinkly!"
... and I'm seriously self-conscious about my c-section scar. STUPID. I know. But I am sure some of you mommas understand.

He reassured me, with tears in his own eyes - the softy!,
that my body is a beautiful representation of the sacrifice made to bring such beauty and joy into our lives.

He's a good man. I'm a lucky girl.

Within the walls of this frame God gave me - the tiniest, most precious lives took form...
and they stretched me, in more ways than one, into the MOTHER I am today.

Our bodies, as mothers, will forever be a canvas of LOVE. When our children have grown and gone, we will look down at our tummies and breasts and KNOW that we gave LIFE to them... the ones that so intimately know the beat of our hearts and sketched each "mark" on our bodies with such tender, innocent CARE.

I will wear this skin with THANKFULNESS for the rest of my life!
-- love you Zay & Judah --

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  1. Beautiful words from a beautiful momma! Thank you for sharing your heart. I can identify with much of what you said. :)

  2. Thank you, miss Lacy <3 So glad to hear that others can identify! From my heart to yours - Brittany

  3. I really enjoy reading your posts that is why I've nominated you for the liebster award. Come on over to for all the deets! Congratulations.

  4. Loved this! 3 kids later, and I'm finally learning to love my body! :)

  5. Thank you so much for this!! I have already shed a number of tears about my changing body and I'm not even halfway through this pregnancy!! You always help to put things onto perspective!!!

    1. aww Caroline! hang in there! it is hard - God is stretching you into a NEW woman!!! that little baby will be well worth it! XO

  6. Love this post! Good for you and haleluiah for feeling good in your skin... and a B cup! I have shrunk w/ each kid I've had!
    Thanks so much for stopping by, and leaving a comment!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it! That's crazy that you have shrunk with each kid! Our bodies are amazing.

  7. So beautiful! Loved reading this and truly God spoke through you because I need to hear it. I've been feeling so insecure lately being 32 weeks pregnant with my first and looking at pictures on facebook of before baby and even before marriage at the good old 125 days... I know I'll get there again someday. But it's amazing what this little baby boy is doing to my body!

    Keep writing!

    Love it.


    1. SO GLAD that you could hear God speaking to you through this, Joanna! I know that place well - the one of insecurity in regards to my body. it DOES get easier - and it is all worth it! your body will come back - but not unchanged. love the change, love yourself, love the baby God has given you!!! blessings, friend! XO

  8. Beautiful writing of what I feel about myself! Thank you so much for sharing your story so that other mothers don't have to feel alone, shy or ugly. We are beautiful representations of God's love and I am so thankful that other mothers see the specialness of motherhood and embrace it! Bravo! I have 3 girls myself and breastfed a little longer than skin elasticity would like lol, I feel your pain. I would like to share with you my blogpost about losing weight after baby so that it might help other mothers. Have a blessed day!

  9. So happy to touch your heart too!!! Was able to check out your article on losing weight after baby - great stuff!!! That's totally it - it is sooooo nice to know we are not alone... or feel the need to be shy or think we are ugly because of the BEAUTY we have brought into this world! Thanks for stopping by and joining in the conversation, friend! XO

  10. My youngest will be turning three in a couple weeks and I still have issues with all these bodily flaws that were given to be courtesy of two pregnancies. (Oh, and might I add my boobs got to be the size of Pam Anderson's during breastfeeding? I felt like a porn star, and not in a good way.)

  11. ahhh! so good my friend! i went almost my whole pregnancy with zero stretch marks. and then my belly exploded in the last few weeks. i still struggle sometimes to embrace myself for the new me. i love the way you said it's your little boys' fingerprints on your body. that is so special.


    1. It can be so hard... but I've been thinking lately that the stretch marks and all - God INTENDS that to happen. So crazy. Gives me a little more peace - a little more appreciation for HIS WAY in bringing forth life. Such a beautiful mystery!

  12. I had a conversation tonight with my husband about what I would like for Christmas: a plastic surgeon giftcard! He is so absolutely against it and loves me for me and would hate to lose me on an operating table for something so vain. Oh, but to be less 'lose' with a cup size proportionate to my size. I am not surrendering after birthing 4 children, I will continue to fight to regain my pre-baby self but realize these changes gave me the loves of my life! I too would never give that up. When I die, my children and grandchildren will be my legacy, not my sweatpants size.


Thanks for leaving some comment love! I enjoy hearing what you have to say... and others do too! XO