a confession of bodily proportions

I've always been pretty comfortable in my skin.
Minus that pudgy awkward stage... oh between 10 and 12 years old. We all went through that, right?!

I've been 5'7" for as long as I can remember.
Always seeming to weigh in around 135 pounds.

That was... until I had babies.

My first pregnancy won me 60 pounds of baby love spread all over my body, a c-section scar,
and lots, and by lots I mean "too many to count", of stretch marks from my neck to my toosh.

Pregnancy and breastfeeding took me from a solid B cup to a voluptuous D.
It was like I had implants... but NOT.
That took a little getting use to. Not gonna lie!

As my first child was weening, I found out I was pregnant with baby #2!
My body didn't really have a chance to ever go back to it's "normal" size.

Even though I started pregnancy #2 off by weighing in at 135 pounds (that was relieving),
my hips, thighs, boobs, pelvis, etc. just seemed OFF.
Not quite the body I remembered or saw in old pictures!

9 months later I found myself to have gained 55 pounds... and the stretch marks became little trenches.
You have those too? Phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

My second baby weaned himself around 13 months old and things drastically changed.
(Remember, I fluctuated between 135 and 195 pounds for over 2 years)

I grew an INCH,
I lost all the baby weight and THEN SOME (putting me in the 125 range),
And I landed myself back in the land of B cups!

Sounds good, right?! I'm not going to lie and say that the journey has been easy. But it HAS been worth it! I've shed tears over not feeling comfortable in my skin as I have gone through the stages of being a mother. Maybe you can relate?

My body has been ALTERED, STRETCHED, TORN OPEN, and REALIGNED!
My kids have stamped their little "fingerprints" all over me.
My hips were jammed open, my boobs grew so much I thought they would burst,
and every once in awhile, pelvic pain likes to remind me that I gave birth to two very large babies!

And... I would do it all over again. Truly.

Every pound, stretch mark, pelvic cramp, bra size, etc. is NOTHING compared to the PRIZE I have received in my children.

My husband refers to all my "lines" as my "baby tattoos."

The other day he gave me a spiel that brought tears to my eyes.
I was having a little pity party for myself - ya know... being all sad about not having the same body that I got married with.

"I'm small and wrinkly!"
... and I'm seriously self-conscious about my c-section scar. STUPID. I know. But I am sure some of you mommas understand.



He reassured me, with tears in his own eyes - the softy!,
that my body is a beautiful representation of the sacrifice made to bring such beauty and joy into our lives.

He's a good man. I'm a lucky girl.

Within the walls of this frame God gave me - the tiniest, most precious lives took form...
and they stretched me, in more ways than one, into the MOTHER I am today.

Our bodies, as mothers, will forever be a canvas of LOVE. When our children have grown and gone, we will look down at our tummies and breasts and KNOW that we gave LIFE to them... the ones that so intimately know the beat of our hearts and sketched each "mark" on our bodies with such tender, innocent CARE.

I will wear this skin with THANKFULNESS for the rest of my life!
-- love you Zay & Judah --
XO