I just want you all to know that I am perfect. In case there was any confusion. Just open the dictionary to perfection and there won't even be a definition. Just my face.
THAT IS A JOKE.
Ok for real, life has its highs and lows. One minute I feel like a freakin' rock star and the next I am the hottest mess you've ever seen. And when I say "hottest", I am not talking about Miss America status. I'm talking knee deep in crazy town, people.
But if there is one thing I am learning in this season of my life is that GRACE upon GRACE upon GRACE is absolutely required and zero-negotiable. It literally takes an act of the will for me -- to pep talk myself into CHOOSING to have mercy on myself, my husband, my kids, my to-do list, my business, my housework, my homeschool plans. It helps if I imagine Uncle Jesse saying it to me, "Haaave mercy." Then I forget my name, what I was doing....
...seeeeeee!? Everything is all better. Lol. Just kidding, Nathan.
Last week I thought I had a babysitter for the kids for my annual appointment to the OB-GYN. But no, that fell through and I was hauling three children into the doctor's office like a boss -- tossing out snacks and taking names of any ruffians. AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER, the doc finally comes in and my kids latch onto him: FRESH MEAT.
I immediately throw out a disclaimer,
"Well, everyone WAS being well-behaved.... up until about an hour ago?!"
He says, "It's ok, we will do this quickly so you can be on your way!"
Nothing should be happening "quickly" in regards to this appointment.
If you know what I mean.
All my kids are waiting with the receptionist and I can hear Bella's voice growing in panic...
"Momma? MOMMA! MOOOOOOMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
I should have just waited until the next time I get pregnant. That's totally a thing right?! Skipping annuals and just waiting for the next kid to check out the whole sha-bang? Sigh. I can't wait to grow up and just know these things.
As I am hauling my crew out of the exam room, the receptionist asks me,
"Should I put you down for a year from now?"
So we load in the van and head to the grocery store. Because that's the smartest thing to do after spending close to two hours in a gyno's office with three children under the age of six and having your cervix poked at with a "Mom, his Qtips are the biggest ones I have ever seen!"
Flash forward. Halfway down the interstate, with Chicago traffic cruising at an easy 80-90mph -- switching lanes and skipping blinkers like it's their JOB-- I feel the gas pedal pressure change and we start losing speed.
My heart is racing, but the Holy Spirit came down and literally cleared a path for us to crawl across three lanes... and as I barely make it to the curb every light on the front panel goes on and I realize I am BEYOND BELOW EMPTY. Out of gas. How does this happen to me?!
I call my husband who is an easy 90 miles from my location at this point. No answer. I call my dad. He's out of state. Call Nathan again. No answer. John Stamos?! Jk. It's hot outside and the AC doesn't work without gasoline and I am seriously thinking, "We could easily be side swiped in this crazy traffic."
And my kids are like, "SIDESWIPE?!?!?! Like the Transformer?!?!?"
I call a friend who is the nearest to my location. No answer.
Welcome to your new home, kids. The interstate. No joke, they thought it was an amazing adventure and not one of them moaned or complained a peep. I, on the other hand, fought back tears for over an hour.... waiting on my friend's husband (she ended up texting me!!!) to save me.
I tried to pay him. But he told me to read my kids the story of the Good Samaritan as a bedtime story and that he was happy to be able to serve me and Christ today.
You guys, we have been blessed with the best of friends.
I'm telling my husband this -- literally shaking my head,
"WHY is God crushing me with so much grace lately?"
My friend and her husband and Jesus.... had mercy and grace for me and I'm literally standing on the side of the road beating myself up.
I got back in my vehicle and made the decision in that moment to take the boxing gloves off. To just receive the moments rather than come at them swinging. Because even when it feels like everything in the world is out to get me -- there is a GOOD, GOOD Father who is standing between all of that for me if I would just open my eyes and take in the grace.
And HE is perfect.
And because I am NOT, this little note now hangs from my rearview mirror.
It's a good question on all levels. Don't you agree?!