"Mom! Mom! Moooooooom!" coming from a little boy with eyes wide open,
and a slightly contorted face. I couldn't tell if we were doing the potty dance
or if Thomas the Train was at our front door.
Whatever he had to report seemed of imminent importance.
My inner monologue: "Please don't tell me your brother has disassembled the vaporizer
and is soaking the carpet for the 3,398 time this week."
"I want to go to heaven." Beautiful wish, baby. Glad it's not the vaporizer.
Apparently my response didn't satisfy his excitement and so he persisted,
"No, I want to go to heaven NOW, mom! Aaaand and and I want YOU to come with me.
Right now. Let's go, mom." Send us a fiery chariot, Lord!
Not sure how to explain the logistics of "getting to heaven" to a 3 year old,
I asked him WHY he wanted to go so soon. "To see Bogie... I've got to see Bogie
and the new wings (not fins) that Jesus gave him so he can swim in heaven."
(Bogie was his pet betta fish that he got for his birthday this summer.)
The lights went on, and my heart ached for my son's breaking heart.
It was just a fish, but it was important to him. Something he was attached to,
and T H A N K F U L for - even though he couldn't express that to us.
I told him it is GOOD that he wants to see Bogie again,
that it is GOOD he wants to go to heaven...
but that we have to be SO happy and give thanksgiving for what God
is giving us TODAY. "He gives and takes away... blessed be His name."
All things are working for our good.
That same day I had planned to do a Thanksgiving tree with the kids.
It was as if God had put the inspiration to create this moment for my kids on my heart -
in order to be a healing outlet for Isaiah.
We ate puppy chow, colored, and hung the happiness in our hearts on those branches.
(Which are just spray painted sticks from the yard!)
We thanked Jesus for the life of Bogie the betta fish, and Zay let go.
To be very honest, there was also a lot of arguing, shoving, stealing of markers,
throwing of puppy chow, and a grand finale of melt-down momma... but we got it all
hung on that Thanksgiving tree!
What are you most T H A N K F U L for this year?
I hope you are finding beauty today; in all of its forms.
And if you are having trouble, like we all do, throughout the seasons of
giving and taking away, I pray you find peace and can hang it all on the greatest
Thanksgiving tree - the cross.
Love little Zay and his beautiful heart! Jubee too of course, but I love how focused Isaiah is on Jesus and the hope of Heaven and being reunited with all those we've loved... even without articulating that.
ReplyDeleteWhile the death of Bogie can seem to be a minor death, the experience of grief itself is HUGE, especially for little warriors like Zay. I've been thinking a lot about this and how different my own life would have been/would be now if I would have been taught how to grieve, how to feel grief and express it... if I would've been taught and encouraged to say, "He gives and takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord." Having the hope of Heaven and being reunited with loved ones, but knowing and thanking God for the gift of being here right now. So we can't live by "should/would/could" statements.... and I'm thankful for all of the experiences in my life and the things I'm continuing to learn... but I'm thankful for little encouraging moments like this one that you've shared Brittany. I appreciate that you and Nathan are teaching the boys about faith, hope, love, in the midst of daily regular activities and life events! Your family gives me hope.... and I know no one is perfect... but it's nice knowing that there will still be light amidst the darkness. Zay, let your light shine buddy! Bring Judah with you too!! :) Love you guys!
PS - I don't see my name on your thanksgiving tree. ;)
Thank you, Caty!!! So happy this little story could bless you.
DeleteWe are trying our best to give our children all the faith and hope that is in our own hearts as their parents. But I totally understand where you are coming from in thinking how different your life could have been... IF.... I think we all have these thoughts. God knows what He is doing though. All things for our good. He's got you right where He wants you... just how He wants you!!! He loves you/us so much!!!!
Sorry your name did not make the tree. Apparently they think that toothbrushes, scissors, and Horton Hears a Who is much more important. Lol. KIDS!
XO