I'm trying real hard not to blink, but nothing stops the draining of the hours,
the days, weeks... turn into years and before I know it I will be telling all the
young mothers, "Enjoy it while it lasts."
On one hand, I'm like SLOW DOWN, bottle up all the memories, relish every moment,
capture all the scenes -- burn them on the hard drive of my heart, never forget.
And then on the hand, I'm like CAN THIS DAY GO ANY FASTER?!??! When you've got
toddler meltdown city on your hands, a to-do list a mile high, nothing but frozen
pizza for dinner... lunch... and breakfast. The complete parody of parenthood.
Life often feels more like the tango than a waltz.
Moving. Steady. Abruptly changing.
Wild. Intimate. Serious. Exciting. Abruptly changing.
Sippy cups. Tired eyes. Rinse. Wipe. Repeat. Abruptly changing.
Oh wait, that's not the tango, but my liiiiiife!
Last week I walked into my counselor's office; four walls, 100 sq feet of safe space.
God has done some crazy work on me in that place over the past two years.
Letting me yell, cry, laugh it all out.... process all the things.
"What's your pace like?" he challenged.
"Fast, messy, busy. You know, normal?" I self-soothingly shot back.
"At the end of the day, did you taste ANYTHING?" he pressed.
"Sometimes I catch it. Often, it's survive or die mode!"
silence.
MORE SILENCE.
Inner monologue: OMG how does he read my soul?!?!?!?!?!?
"Man. I need to work on being PRESENT in the pace."
Yes. Yes, be present in the pace.
The very next day, for real, I opened the mail box to find a package shipped from Washington.
A gift from a social media kindred spirit -- one with the most beautiful eye for
colors, movement.... you can't make this stuff up!
I burst into tears standing in my kitchen.
Be present in the pace.
I don't think it's just motherhood or parenthood in general - but many of us find ourselves
swimming hard in the big, loud ocean of life; barely tasting our days for fear of drowning in the process.
I know the song is like eight million minutes long, but this part right here >>>
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
It's never going to stop; the waves, the rush.
The pace is set, but I get to decide how present I am in the journey out into the deep.
And that is beautifully consoling. That even when I am up rocking the baby at 2AM
or hustling in my work; when I am cleaning up the kitchen for the thousandth time;
washing, wiping, putting away all the things....
I will have tasted.
Because I have been present in the pace.
Walking on those waves.
artwork c/o the talented Kendra Castillo
check her out on facebook | instagram
