My sons have conversations with each other throughout the day.
Ones that very much mimic dinner conversations between me and Nathan.
"How are you, Jubee?
"How is your day?"
"How was your nap?"
That's about as far as they can take it as a 1 and 2 year old.
But I recognize it and know... THEY ARE LISTENING TO US.
Something that keeps coming back to me over and over again:
MY CHILD WILL DO AS A I DO AND NOT AS I SAY.
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
- proverbs 22:6 -
I am perfectly imperfect. A beautiful tragedy.
I fall and God picks me up. Story of my life.
This new chapter of motherhood is mostly butterfly kisses and peach skin,
but there are some sentences I wish had not been written.
The ones where I fall in front of my children.
It is humbling to have little eyes watch me fail.
Their pure, wholesome, innocent ears and hearts just take it all in.
So cliche, but they are indeed "little sponges."
My 1 year old heard, and now repeats, a bad word that came from my lips not too long ago.
"Dwwaaaammiiit." Not my shining moment as a mother.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
- psalm 52:10 -
I told my own mother that I am not ready to meet God. Because I don't know what
I am going to say if He asks me about Judah throwing down the "D" word in his toddlerhood.
I beat myself up. And I know the enemy loves that.
So why? Why do I do it?
I TAKE IT BACK. These are the sentences that MUST be written.
Falling in front of my children makes me HUMAN - desperately in need of my God.
They need to see us as parents admit our wrong doings and beg for forgiveness.
They need to see us run to the altar and become new again.
My not-so-shiny moments are what I pray teaches them to fall...
to FALL ON THEIR KNEES and meet God in the silence of their hearts
and ask Him to make them pure, wholesome, and innocent once again.
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."
- psalm 51:1-2 -