and now you get to read this post as I emotionally and spiritually process the whole thing!
Zombies aren't the issue. It's the reality of evil that gets me. For a solid 48 hours,
all I could do was think of the ever-growing darkness in this world and worry about what
the American future is going to look like for my children. I was having "end of world" visions
that induced a little panic attack. Embarrassing, but true. Stupid. I know. It gets better...
My poor husband had to endure days of listening to my plans for packing up, getting off the grid,
and becoming self-sufficient. And to top it off - he patiently answered all my questioning...
"How would you catch a wild rabbit?"
"How would you purify lake water?"
"What would you have in an emergency survival kit?
He's a trooper. Yea, I'm lucky. And he just smiled when I told him that if it came
down to it - I'd live in a tent covered in sticks by a creek with our children and learn
how to cook Canadian geese... because they are in abundance around here, and come a
world crisis I'm thinking that's gonna be dinner.
Are you laughing at me?
I eventually gathered myself and realized through some lovely, spiritual
reading that the darkness, Zombies or no Zombies, should not be the focal point.
YES, there is darkness in this world and men who seek to take the Kingdom by force.
YES, the violent are pining to bear it away and destroy all that is good.
But... YES, there is light. And that's what we have to focus on today -
being a light and helping ignite other lights to expel the night.
God is so gentle with me. I can see and hear Him coming after me these days.
I'm like a small child who has wandered off in the grocery store and is shaking the gumball
machine because my mom didn't give me a quarter and I NEEEEEEED a gumball NOW.
He just smiles and watches... I recognize Him in His approach. It makes my heart melt.
He wants to give me good things - but I just need to calm down first!
In the middle of my almost paralyzing fear (uh, no more Zombie movies for Brittany) -
He put me on a beach in the middle of nowhere (this truly happened) and sat me in a lawn chair next
to my husband and a woman who seemed to be absorbed in watching her own children splash around.
I was talking a million miles a minute - jumping from one topic to the next in my anxious state.
I started telling Nathan about a scary health situation concerning a family member and that's when
the woman spoke up...
"Excuse me. I don't mean to be nosy... but does someone need prayer?"
Did my ears deceive me? A person, on a beach in the middle of nowhere, wants to PRAY for us?
I was delightfully shocked and knew that God was reminding me that there IS LIGHT IN THIS WORLD
and it is shining INSIDE OF GOOD PEOPLE WHO STILL BELIEVE. Wow, that's awesome.
God totally used this woman to remind me that He is near... whether the world ends or not.
It's becoming more and more like the "deep magic" of Narnia around here.
The light can never go out because the One sustaining that light is an all-consuming fire.
Good luck with that, Darth Vader.
And that, my friends, is cause for hope.
World War Z has got nothing on my God.
So burn on little lights... burn on.
LOVE IT. I totally hear you. for a good while after the shooting in the CO theatre I would freak out every time we would go to the movies, and recently i wanted to go down and check the doors to make sure they were locked. but i'm reminded that though there maybe evil in this world, my God is greater and He is on our side. He has already overcome!
ReplyDeletei STILL have trouble in the movie theater! total act of trust for me to sit in one these days. i hear ya. i mean - be smart, but be vulnerable to God's will, right!? that's the trick. still working on mastering that. amen amen though - He HAS already overcome!
DeleteBrit, I do the SAME thing to James! I go a million miles a minute asking him about what to do if my car slips off a bridge into water....or if someone breaks in....or we have to sew our own clothing because the world is ending....and I KNOW he knows that I'm absolutely nuts, but he is patient....and I, too, slowly recognize that someone more powerful is on our side. I tell myself that Momma Mary HAD to have been anxious about SOMETHING too...which makes me not feel so utterly ridiculous when I finally come to my sensed!! ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha oh Jules!!! It is true - I think the Holy Family must have been pretty anxious when they went into exile. That had to be ROUGH! So glad God has blessed us with sane, patient husbands (soon-to-be-husband!) that can handle our crazy!!!! Right?!
Deletebeautifully written. and so true. God is good and he is big. but anxiety creeps in without even realizing..
ReplyDeletescary/intense movies bother me. They always have so they are definitely an in-moderation thing for me.
me too, Julia!!! me too. we always joke that i can barely make it through "I am Legend" with Will Smith. That's my "scary movie" limit! totally broke my own rule with "World War Z" ... shouldn't have gone there! but happy to see that there are other sensitive hearts out there who are carrying on with their eyes on the Father!!! XO
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