Childrenisms

My wonderful husband keeps telling me every day, "You're doing great! You're an awesome
momma! So proud of you. Thanks for carrying our babies!" And I just look at him and wonder
if I should tell him about the 3,242 times I lost my temper that day or the fact that I had
Jake and the Neverland Pirates babysit the kids while I took a shower, read a magazine,
"liked" all my friends' pictures on Instagram. Naaaah, right?

I am 41 weeks pregnant, but not an excuse. I just want to eat, sleep, and watch T.V. And by
"eat" I mean 3 or 4 Reese's snack cups and a bowl of ice cream. Oh my thighs are loving it and
my sinuses are all like, "Stop being stupid, woman!" Love and war. Love. And. War.

I feel like we're just "surviving" right now, and I'm trying to embrace that. I don't like
to have GRACE on myself. Makes me feel weak. Jesus is all like, "I forgive you!" and
I'm like, "NO DON'T!" Let me suuuuuuuffer. But it is moments like these - moments of
weariness, exhaustion, frustration, anxiety, and "oh hey you've gained 55 pounds in 9 months"
that I need it most... GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS. Heal me, Jesus?

And I mean that with all my heart.

The other day I caught my hand in the van door and let out a whispery "damn it" that
I was sure my kids could not have possibly heard. I climbed in the driver's seat, in a
glorious fluster, and Isaiah pipes up,

"Did you say damn it?"

**deer in headlights**

Me: "Ummmm. Man. Yes, I did.
Judah: "Jeeeeesus doesn't like iiiiiit!"
Me: "I know, buddy. You are right. Momma's sorry."
Isaiah: "No, you need to tell JESUS you are sorry RIGHT NOW!"


So crushing. In the best way.
I think it's safe to say that it's a two-way street around here. My flaws, failings, short-comings
are obviously sharpening my children into little saints, and they are molding me, reminding me about
all the things I so desperately long for and need: GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS...

aaaaaand language filters.

Judah: "Mom, there is a check cereal on the floor."
Me: "You mean a Chex?"
Judah: "No, I mean ONE check not TWO Chex!"

Me: "I'm going to go take a nap, do you want to come with me?"
Isaiah: "You taking a nap because your butt hurts?"
Me: "Um no - because I'm tired."
Isaiah: "Yea because your butt crack hurts!"
Me:


Judah: "Did you just flush the toilet?"
Me: "Yea, why?"
Judah: "That was MY poop. Not YOUR poop. Did you poop?! NO!"

Me: "Judah, please clean up the blocks."
Judah: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Look, it's time to take a bath."
Judah: "Look, you need to change your mind!"

Judah: "Hurry hurry hurry I have to peeeeeeeee!"
Me: "I'm coming to help you! Hang on."
Judah: "If you would have come sooner I wouldn't have peed a little in my pants!"
Me: "So this is my fault?"
Judah: "YES."


Me: "What do you want for breakfast?"
Judah: "Candy."
Me: "No."
Isaiah: "Chocolate."
Me: "No."
Judah: "Ok. A hot dog with French fries - NO BUN!"
Me: "Oatmeal it is."
**RIOTING ENSUES**


Me: "When is the baby coming?"
Isaiah: "In fiiiiiiive minutes!"
Me: "If only."