change the world.
I'm not saying that any or all of this is bad. I guess I am just processing and asking myself "WHAT WORLD" does God want me to change at this exact moment of my life? Where do I fall in? Or where do I fall off? Because I feel like I'm doing more falling off these days. Fall-er off-er. That's me. I used to fight it, but I go willingly these days.
I seriously feel panicky thinking about deleting all my accounts and asking for a flip phone *dinosaur roars* for Christmas, but it's tempting! So I give it up for Lent and fickle hiatuses to remember how it feels to be less connected to the internet and more connected to the world happening around me. Because I still remember life before all of this.
And I crave it. Somehow that makes me feel alien or grandma? Grandma Alien. Seriously, I'm buying rocking chairs for my front porch next Spring and that's where you are going to find me!
Oh no - this isn't a goodbye (again. lol.) or anything like that.
Having babies has changed me. I've struggled for years with letting go of what I think I should be doing to be keeping up with who I was or what I was able to accomplish in college, work, ministry. I've put all this pressure on myself to be a wife and momma AND all those other things I used to be.
I feel like there's so much pressure out there for maintaining your identity. Don't let motherhood change you. You can be a mom and all the other things too. Do more, be more, follow, like, repeat. And you guys, I am tired.
Motherhood has changed me. And that's ok. In fact, I'd say it's good and right and holy.
It's been so relieving to move a little further away from the "outlets" - to even let some things go (RIP Twitter + Pinterest) - and be more present to the community God has placed all around me.
My babies are only little once. And life lately has been busy! The beautiful season of fall is in full swing and we've been celebrating in all the ways! It is fun to have kids old enough to chime in with their own memories and ideas - kind of scary too. Ha. But they are so much fun and such a blessing in our marriage and family!!!
Slowing down for them, for this season of my life, just makes sense. It's not an excuse from the "situation" but an invitation for me. To stop trying to change the "world world" and focus more on the "world" God has given to ME. Just me.
If Facebook forgets me, it's ok. I'm cool with being remembered by three little pumpkin heads in the most important "world" I will ever influence.
I just said "world" a lot. #world