Natural Family Planning: A Two Way Street

I quit buying pregnancy tests four months ago.
Another month, another negative, another stick in the garbage and a husband asking, "So?"
No pressure of course. Just loving expectancy. Both of us.

Before we got married, Nathan and I made a commitment to not use birth control or sterilization
in our marriage. Whaaa? Yea, we had visions of a dozen kids, a 15 passenger van, and appearances on
Good Morning America. And who knows - maybe that will still happen! I'm young. Hopeful.

But if it doesn't, I am learning to be ok with that.
Why God has not given us another baby - I do not understand.
At the rate we started out, 2 babies - 15 months apart, I admit I was worried we'd beat the Duggars!

After Judah was born, we chose to use Natural Family Planning for a time; watching, noting the signs of
my cycle and abstaining when fertile. Each month brought a new prayer, things to discuss, to discern
to the best of our ability, with God, what was right for our family. And then last Spring, all the "issues"
the "hold ups" dissolved and we were excited that God seemed to be opening the door for baby #3.

I just knew we would be pregnant right away, and most likely with twins - as we were obviously
a fountain of fertility right out of the gates! No, those who use Natural Family Planning are not
always called "PARENTS" in the ways that some people expect.

The funny thing is, in this brief time of no conception - in the grand scheme of things - compared to so
many others I know who have longed for just one baby- I have LIVED what I PREACH and that is:

NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING IS A TWO WAY STREET.

We have to trust God either way; in times of abstaining and in times of conceiving.
And that's terribly hard. Whichever way you are walking. I get that now, more than ever.


I never saw big gaps between my children. I never dreamed of a "small" family.
And yet, His ways are better than my ways. His dreams are bigger than my dreams.
He sees it all and knows... on this street of ours.

That doesn't mean I don't cry every now and then when I realize we are still not pregnant.
It just means that I know God is God and I am not. My brain gets it. Someone, tell my heart.

And in the words of so many loving, well-intentioned people,
"Maybe God is giving you this time of not being pregnant or with a newborn for a reason."

Yes... but that is just SCARY! For a reason?! What reason?
"You're not having a baby because you've got a disease!
...or you're going to lose your house!...or you know?!"

I'm really just being funny here, because I DO have to laugh and rejoice
in the LIFE that IS given!!! And trust that no matter what - it's all working out for His glory.

Taking Back Contentment

I was in a good place when I wrote this post not even 3 weeks ago.
The enemy must have got the memo that I was doing "juuuust fine in contentment-land"
because he sent out an assault in full force.

So here I am; me and my bucket full of tears and "what ifs".
What if we NEVER buy a REAL house? What if we can't have more kids?
What if I could be a farmer and I miss the chance? Don't laugh.



This time of year does something to me.
There are so many happy memories wrapped up in the season of fall.
The autumnal equinox rolls around and it's like BOOM -
memory lane becomes flooded with all kinds of blissful, happy moments followed
by irrational fears with a grand finale of a few good cries. What is that?!

Life is good. MORE than good I would say. My little family has been BEYOND blessed.
But some demon has been whispering to my heart... and I let myself listen for one minute.
One minute. And now I've spent days re-grounding myself and SPEAKING TRUTH
against a spirit of lies.

I spent all of a Saturday, not too long ago, working in my garden and playing with
my kids in the country. No hum of traffic. No sirens. No public eye.
I'm telling you - it's addicting. Alluring.
I meet God in a special way on days like that. All was good... until...

I WANTED a house.
My OWN land for a garden.
To be a farmer ASAP.
Another baby. Chop chop, GOD.

I neeeeeed. I waaaaaaant. What can I do to get it aaaaaall right now?!



My soul was whining. Like a professional three year old.
So all I have is this confession - this real life moment brought to you by
the very human-side of myself. And a resolution to acknowledge my desires,
pray harder for GOD'S will in my life, and kick the aforementioned demon in the butt.

Because the truth is... TODAY is good. I LOVE our way of life right now.
And even though I don't understand why God isn't blessing us with another baby,
a real house, my own garden, etc. etc. right now... I TRUST HIM.
His will and timing is perfect. And I have GOT to stop acting like a small child.

Breathing in Jesus. Breathing out fear.






"Delight yourself in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
-Pslam 37:4