At some point I started believing that there is NO WAY
the God of everything, who is loving and sustaining the masses, would care to hear my little,
insignificant, definitely NOT marked "urgent" dreams or needs.
I'm talking about the tiny hopes.
The stuff that doesn't alter the universe or make a difference in the grand scheme of eternity.
For most of my life, I approached Him with thanks, praise, and only serious petitions.
Like a perfectly poised business woman I would leave my memo at the pearly gates
and wait for a response.
You see, I had bought the lie that I was just another "stock broker" on the floor - one in a million -
a dime a dozen. Insignificant, but loved with an "I've been given much - don't ask for more" attitude.
After all, there are starving people in this world, sleeping in cardboard boxes,
running around without shoes and coats, carrying the cross of abandonment, addiction, pain -
wondering if anyone, let alone the "Big Man" with the office so high up the skyscraper
you can't even see Him, loves them.
So there I'd be, waving from the sideline - "Hi God! It's me. Brittany. Doing just fine. Love you!"
Getting by in this spiritual relationship, but not thriving. Glowing, but not burning.
Dying to be in God's lime light, but afraid to see if I could come closer.
It all began with a wreath.
When we were first married we had NO money. I made a home out of garage sale
treasures and gifts from our wedding. As summer turned to fall I began aching
for a wreath to put on our door and to use for Advent. Just one wreath would do.
Our budget said "no can do."
The priest I worked for at the time called me into his office one day in September.
He met me at the door holding not one, but TWO wreaths asking if I would like to use
them in my home. Was he tapping my line? There's no way he could have known.
This is the first time I remember God so blatantly telling me that He DOES
care about the hidden desires of my heart. The ones I barely even whisper to my
companions here on earth. I still use both of those heaven-sent wreaths in our home today.
Just recently, with sighing and longing dramatics, I told my husband that I wanted a grill.
I knew it wasn't in the budget for me to play Bobby Flay this summer so and I let it go.
After church a couple Sundays ago, as we were walking up to our home, a neighbor stopped us and
asked if we would like their GRILL. Are the neighbors dropping eaves all over my open windows!?
I don't know whether to laugh or cry in moments like this. I feel so overwhelmed when
God pulls these stunts. I kid you not - a grill, utensils, AND a bag of charcoal were gifted to us.
As if the grill wasn't enough! God likes to show off.
And then there are the things that I don't even KNOW that I want or need.
Like a husband who does not drink alcohol. As the daughter of an alcoholic - I've gone
round and round with the blessings and curses of a drink. I honestly did not
even know that I needed a spouse who avoided alcohol as a lifestyle all together.
A gift of security and peace. A gift that is helping break my brain of patterns
built from association. I didn't ask, but God gave that to me in my husband, Nathan.
Just because He saw fit.
The more I think about it, the more memories of God loving me with the little stuff
come to mind. We are NOT one in a billion. We are ONE - ONE before God.
We are ALL His "favorites." In the same, miraculous way that a parent loves and sees their own
child in their sea of children SEPARATELY - with a well of love for that individual so deep,
so real, so perfectly customized for that being - so our God loves us.
Now I've moved from the sidelines to center field - relishing in having the stage
ALL BY MYSELF as the God of the masses watches the drama of my life.
He gives, cares, and showers down His love on me as the applause of heaven roars
and I take a bow - thanking God for giving me the things I didn't even ask for.