Childrenisms

Last weekend we had some new friends and their little girl over for dinner.
Dinner was promptly followed by entertainment. Provided by my children of course.
They pull out all the stops. Be our guest.

So our friend asked their little girl, "Did you put things in their toilet?"
To which she responded, "No, it was the boys!"

From the dining room table, I see my 3 year old put his arm around our 2 year old -
both proudly beaming and nodding their heads: "Yea, we did it!"

I didn't even want to look. Just assess the damage and let me know. My husband kept sighing,
shaking his head, and saying, "It's a lot." What does that even mean?! A lot of what... Qtips?


We're talking:
Razors, travel-size shampoo and conditioner, pads, tampons, bobby pins, rubber bands,
blush, eye shadow, make-up brushes, a can of mace, a tube of lipstick, hair gel...

A couple flushes later and my husband was REMOVING the toilet to go "fishing."

Items FOUND:


A few days later I asked Isaiah: "Are you ever going to throw stuff in my toilet again?"
Isaiah, dead seriously: "Yes, I am."
Me: "I don't think you understood my question."
Isaiah: "I mean no?"
Maybe we should duct tape them shut, just in case?

Isaiah: "I'm going to marry Judah."
Judah: "Dude, you can't marry me. I'm a boy."
Isaiah: "Well, then I'm going to marry momma."
Judah: "She's already married, buddy."
Isaiah: "Well, if you turn into a girl, I'll marry you."
Judah:


Nathan: "It is good to confess our sins to God."
Isaiah: "Like saying 'damn it' - 'butt' and 'penis'???
Judah: "I'm sorry for saying 'bottom'.
My inner monologue: They totally used this opportunity to say all the "bad" words...
to punish or not to punish?!

Me: "Do you know what a cinnamon roll is?"
Isaiah: "Ummm... ummm... I bet the grocery store has one?"
Me: "Yea, but what is it?"
Isaiah: "I have NO. IDEA."
Me: "It's like a doughnut, but with cinnamon and frosting!"
Isaiah: "And I'm pretty sure I can't eat doughnuts, mom."

Me: "DO NOT lick the water out of your carseat cupholders!"
Judah: "Oh I'm licking it!"
Me (in a sing-song voice): "You're gooooooing to geeet siiiiick."
Judah (mocking sing-song voice): "Nooooo I'm nooooot."


Isaiah: "Mom you are big."
Me: "What does that mean?"
Isaiah: "Like. Um. Yea."
Me: "No really. I can handle it. What do you mean?"
Isaiah: "Liiiiike you're tall?"

Isaiah: "You're driving me nuts, kid."
Judah: "Yea, well I'm driving you nuts."
Isaiah:

Nathan: "You guys can do some jobs around the house to earn some money."
Isaiah: "Like color?"
Nathan: "Like no."