We're Getting a Dolphin

While driving down the interstate recently, Isaiah piped up:

"Mom, when we do school and you're my teacher,
can you get me a dolphin so I can swim with it?"

So there I was, looking in the rearview mirror at my son - looking back at the road -
looking in the rearview mirror - looking back at the road...

He's for real. And I don't think Petco carries dolphins. Shoot.



But all I can think of is how can I give this GOOD THING to my child.
How can I bring this happiness to his life? How can I answer his... prayer?
Where in the world am I going to find a dolphin?

We pray with our kids every night. It's a lot of "God bless the door knob and the rocking
chair and the curtains" and "thank you for my elbow and the mailman and the light switch."
It's funny, but beautiful at the same time. EVERYTHING they usually name is an indication
that we live in a first world country. So yes. God bless and thank you.

Lately I've been sneaking back into their room at night, after they've finally had enough
sips of water and trips to the bathroom, and say my own prayers. The prayers I pray by
myself suddenly seem so much stronger as a I rock in the rocking chair and let the tears
slide down my cheeks.

I pray down good things on them -- for our family --
hopes and needs as big as a mother's heart can imagine.

God loves you a lot, you know?

I know that when the valley gets low or the night grows long that I sometimes forget.
When the lights go out and the to-do list never ends and the babies still need - need -
need me I lose sight of Him.

Call me the Apostle Peter, walking on the water, "I've got this, Lord - look at me,"
as the water trickles over my feet, inching up to my knees, engulfing my entire body.
And I look up, trying to breathe, "JESUS!?"

Call me Thomas, the doubter, who wants to see and feel the very proof of the love given
and received in so great a sacrifice. The kind of love that I know is there, but so often
covered up by a little thing called skepticism.

Call me Martha, as in the sister of Mary, "Lord, I will bend over backwards to make sure
You are comfortable, but I'll let my sister look You in the eyes and receive the greater gift."
Because I'm pretty sure I'm not worthy. I imagine I have a whole life of unopened gifts from
God thanks to that lie.

But Jesus doesn't hand out dolphins.

And mothers do?

Because there I was, racking my brain, planning a whole vacation to Florida just so my
beloved son can swim with the dolphins... and I just stopped.

"Thank you, God, for loving ME, your beloved daughter, like this."
Thank you for all the 'dolphins' You've sent my way."

It's the same. But so much bigger.

Here I am in my sinful, human state trying my best and hardest to make sure
that not only are the "needs", the bare necessities, of my son's heart met, but I'm
working on the "hopes", the "dreams", the "extras", the "over-the-tops" as well.

Because I love him.
And God loves ALL -- so much more than any of that.

A Thrill of Hope | A Family Advent

Boughs of greenery carefully laced, strategically stapled, to a 4 foot wide circle of wood; an
Advent wreath. I remember going out to the carriage house with my dad and four younger siblings,
dressed in coveralls, clinging to mugs of hot cocoa, as we brushed off the chill and began our
work on a yearly tradition.

We argued over the hum of the heater, the flicker of fluorescent light, about whose turn
it was to hold the stapler, the hot glue gun. "More branches over here!" "Leave room for
the candles!" Working with our hands to create a symbol of hope, of promise - one we would
gather around for the weeks leading up to Christmas as we pray, wait. It was magic.
The stuff that starry sky over Bethlehem was made of.

It was always hung in the center of our family room. A massive display, gesture of remembrance,
that our world was once dark, but was made bright by a tiny babe born that first Christmas night.
As children, we would lay on the floor and look up through the center; noticing with each
passing evening of prayer, the room was getting brighter. He's coming - nearer, closer.
Anticipation. I remember the wreath would slowly begin to spin as more candles were lit -
casting the most beautiful star-shaped shadow on the ceiling, the walls.
Etching illuminated memories on our hearts.



This is what Advent is for. A time of waiting, preparation of our hearts and homes to
welcome again and again and again, year after year, the coming of the Savior. The mystery
of it all is endless; the wonder incapable of being contained. And we gather around the
green, light candles, purples and pink, unfold the readings for the Jesse Tree, devour the
goodness of the history of salvation, and once again we grasp at the beauty of Christmas.
Deeper this time. Take me deeper this time.

"Advent is concerned with that very connection between memory and hope which

is so necessary to man. Advent's intention is to awake the most profound and basic

emotional memory within us, namely, the memory of the God who became child.

This is a healing memory; it brings HOPE."- Pope Benedict XVI
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Here's a peek into what our family is up to this Advent season.
Sunday, November 30th, 2014 - it all begins!!!

Advent Wreath //

It doesn't have to be fancy. Simple greens + 4 candles to light as each week passes.
You light the first candle on the first Sunday of Advent, then light two candles on the
second week - so on and so forth. The pink candle is for the third week - GAUDETE SUNDAY!
Joy Sunday. A different color - a color of JOY - Christmas is getting closer!

We light the appointed candle(s) each night for family prayer time.


Jesse Tree // Bible readings + free printable ornaments

I keep the ornaments and reading prompts tucked inside envelopes for the kids to open.
Reading through the history of salvation, the cast of characters, the golden thread of
connection - never grows old for me or my family.

Nathan and I are also going to be doing the daily reading from Ann Voskamp's new book,
The Greatest Gift. She has amazing words to share each day that go along with the Jesse Tree.



4 Weeks of Waiting //

Growing up we didn't listen to Christmas music or put up our tree until after Mass
ON Christmas Eve. The build-up to that moment was so exciting, thrilling for us!
Since my own kids are still so little, and the idea of putting up a tree right before
Christmas is not exactly realistic for us -- we have been spacing out the celebration
for the past couple of years:

1st Sunday of Advent: Make Advent Wreath

2nd Sunday of Advent: Set out, arrange, discuss the Nativity scene

3rd Sunday of Advent: Buy and decorate a real Christmas tree

4th Sunday of Advent: Hang stockings and wrap presents

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Wishing you all a blessed and holy season of anticipation - of Advent!

Would love to hear ideas on how you bring this part
of the liturgical year to life in YOUR home!

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned." - Isaiah 9:2

When it feels like God doesn't want you...

Sometimes I fear that I do NOT trust God enough to spend time with Him.
As if taking time out of my day, my routine, my plans to commune with the God
who holds not just the whole world, but my world, in His hands is going to hurt me.

He's omnipotent, all powerful - and I'm all like, "Yea, whatever."
Not out of stereotypical teenage disrespect, but as a skeptic's challenge:
"For real? Are you sure?"

"Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha
received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's
feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went
to him and said, 'Lord, do you now care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her
then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled
about many things; one thing is needful. Mary has chose the good portion,
which shall not be taken away from her.'" - Luke 10:38-42
Note: Jesus said her name TWO times - "Martha, Martha..." He means business, missy.

Like Martha I find myself running in circles, anxious, busy-busy-busy doing all
the things, but the one thing that brings joy and peace into my life: communion.

It usually doesn't turn out too well either.

Patience unwinding like a hellish bobbin, anxiety moving from the back burner
to stage front, words - unguarded, unchecked - bubbling over from unresolved issues,
fear, scars from wounds I thought were healed. The soul can be a real hot mess.

So often I know that I claim to be doing things for the Kingdom - sincerely intending
to get it right, for God and all. But the truth is, how can I be so sure I am doing
His work when I don't trust Him enough to even stop and ask Him?

Hands down, my worst fear - it's not a plane full of snakes or the idea of being
stuck in a bathtub full of human hair - it's fearing that after all of this, this whole
life deal, I'm going to die and one of two things is going to happen...

1.) God doesn't want me.

2.) It was all a big joke.

Just because I'm a Christian does not mean I have my whole Jesus act together.
Every day is a work in progress. Getting over myself to get into Him. It's messy,
tearful, raw - not exactly Sunday school on the lawn or the high of being freshly
lathered in the chrism oil of confirmation. You guys, it's ugly.

An unending process of being broken, humbled, mortified, refined,
picked up again, and blown into a beautiful new creation of a vessel.
And why, why, why in the world would God care to take the time to work
with something so undone, obnoxiously full of herself, and spinning out of control?

Like a good Christian puppet I'll say, "LOVE." And like the human I am, I'll say "LOVE"
100x's tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that - over and over again to let the words
sink into my brain and drain into my heart.

"She chose the good portion..."

And that's the key: CHOOSING- every moment of every day to give to God -
having the trust, the courage to meet Him in prayer, communion, and fully believe
with all my heart: "I AM WANTED. THIS IS NO JOKE."

I am loved. We are loved. Nothing to laugh about there.

Praying Through the Seasons of Motherhood

I have thrown up my hands so many times when it comes to my prayer life.
Something's gotta give. Lord, I'm trying to talk to You, but there are these
small humans (yea, the ones YOU gave me!)that always seem to get in the way.

"Love ME through them." God keeps putting that on my heart.

Even though my arms, lap, brain... is full of children these days
I have such a peace in imagining that I am hugging Christ when I pick
up one of my children. I am drying His tears. Preparing His food.
Singing to Him. Laughing with Him. Loving Him... through caring
for the children He gave me.

I don't know why it took me so long to realize that the seasons of prayer
must change right along with my vocation of motherhood. In my singleness,
it was easy to make a plan for loving God. Now that my life is a series
of relay races (change diaper, fill sippy, switch laundry, read "Green Eggs
and Ham" for the 324th time, turn on a movie, NOT that movie, the other movie,
go for a walk, TO THE PARK, change diaper, fill sippy... repeating.), my
prayer life has to be flexible if I'm to talk to God ever again.

When I'm pregnant, I make time to sit down and rock the baby en route
and pray simple prayers throughout the day as God reminds me that HE IS NEAR
in the creation of new life.

When I have a nursing baby, I cherish the late night feedings and seize
the opportunity to pray in the quiet with the fresh, new life in my arms.

Toddlerhood... I have just arrived. My boys are now 3 and almost 2! GAH! And as
I enter this new season of motherhood, I must adapt my prayer life. I have to find
the way to Him through them... the people with the little sippy cups and BIG needs.

I'm not super smart or a professional pray-er by any means, but I asked
God to show me a time to pray... and He gave it to me.


Every day, for however long this season lasts, my boys lay down to take a nap together.
It generally takes 30 minutes for them to fall asleep. Usually I'm rushing out of their bedroom,
working as fast as I can to get all the things done on my to-do list before they wake up...

It's nap time, people! The momma happy hour.
And for crying out loud - it's probably the only time of the day
where I can hear myself think, shower, eat, pee in peace, etc!

But the 30 minutes it takes for them to fall asleep? I knew God was asking for that.
So I gave. And I've been giving for over a week now and it is sweet, rewarding time.

I have every excuse in the book as to why I CANNOT sit down, but reality is that I need to
sit down so God can love on me. Because I crave it! Motherhood is no walk in the park.
Well, you definitely take lots of walks in the park, but you know what I mean.

We love love love our littles and the father of those littles until it hurts...
Let God love on you today, in whatever season you find yourself in?

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Need a place to start?
One of my favorite sources for Jesus + community...

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