Having Children Actually Enriched My Marriage

"You're going to wait to have a baby, right?"

"You're getting married, enjoy each other! There will be time for a family... down the road."

"I'm warning ya, kids change things."


Obviously such words had zero effect on me and my husband. In one ear and out the other,
ten months after we said "I DO" we were hauling home some very precious cargo: our first son.
We traded in spontaneous date nights for all-nighters with a tiny wide-eyed baby who wasn't even able
to "shoot the breeze" with us. Oh he'd shoot things out all right, but that usually landed us our 100th
diaper changing event of the day and a load of laundry. Sleeping-in on the weekends, taking our time to
eat meals, uninterrupted conversations became ghosts of the past.

We went through a withdrawal of sorts, for sure. Sometimes I still twitch just thinking about peeing
in silence with no creeping toddler to ask me all sorts of questions while I'm doing my duty.
It's the United States of America for crying out loud - I should be free to pee alone.

We now have two children- 2 and 3 years old. Yea, the whole "wait to have children" thing
was like water off a duck's back for us. Come again? The other day, after a long weekend, my husband
and I were dying to be alone, hear ourselves think, maybe even take a nap. We ran to our bedroom
and hid under the covers giggling and wondering how long it would take before our children
realized we had gone into hiding.

Sixty seconds later, our youngest burst into our bedroom, triumphantly shouting, "I FOUND THEM!"
He climbed right up in bed, pushed us apart, and wiggled his little body right smack between us.
We lovingly refer to him as "Wedge."

I'm not trying to sugar coat it for you here or anything, but
would you believe me if I said, crossed my heart and pinky swore, that having children
actually enriches my relationship with my spouse?

Yes, there are moments when it feels like we are in two separate boats sailing away from each other as we
run this marathon of parenthood, but that is precisely what keeps us re-grouping, coming back together,
stepping up our game, and falling more in love as the years go by.

Raising babies is not easy.
Faint of heart and those seriously opposed to all things "bodily fluid" need not apply.
But if one can get over those minor details and find oneself staring into the eyes of a little person
created from the love a husband and wife share, I promise that "things will change." Now, it will be the
biggest oxymoron of your life - you'll give up anything, a million sacrifices, but gain everything.

And it will be so worth it.

When I see my husband cradling our child in his arms, I am reminded of all the times he stole me away
into his arms and lavished his love on me. I look at my children and see reflections of "us" - traits of
him and me - our love blended together and poured out into two human beings.
Every day we lay down our lives, as a team, to bring life to this family we have created.
It is binding; unifying in the most mind-blowing of ways. The rush, day in and day out,
to survive and thrive reminds us that we need each other as husband and wife
- that we must take time to re-group, re-charge together in the
love that started it all.

Having children has truly enriched my marriage.
The family that many thought should be "down the road" for us is our current destination
that we wouldn't trade for the whole, wide world.

I do believe babies + parenting + marriage is what you make of it, but if you decide together that the
"Wedge" will not conquer and divide, I'd say good things are head

-even if you never pee behind a closed door again.



Want to keep up with all the crazy? Yea, me neither.


INSTAGRAM is where it's at. Just sayin'.
Because I forget that Twitter exists.

Tell me more about how much you love birth control...

A few years back I was sitting at my desk at work, minding my own business,
probably eating a sandwich or a jar of M&Ms or something, when a co-worker walked in...
let's call him "John".

"How was your weekend, John?"

"Oh it was great. Went to a movie with the kids, mowed my lawn, got a vasectomy."

Me, now choking on my food, "Excuse me?"

All laissez faire. Just like that, he tells me he went and got neutered.
Like he got a hair cut or something.


I don't know if it's because I'm older and a parent now, or if the climate is just shifting,
but COMPLETE STRANGERS have told me about their latest IUD or birth control pills.
And I'm awkwardly standing there like, "Can you just scan my groceries, let me pay, and go?!?!"
For crying out loud, I'm here for food, not a chat about your vagina.

I'll never forget the time I was sitting at a local, little mom's club and a bunch of women
were CHEERING for another woman who had recently got herself some hormonal contraceptives
because, "I can't handle another colicky baby." Good job, Betty? Let's alter your body
with artificial hormones with possible chronic or fatal results, but at least you won't
have another baby to take care of. Logic.

I see it a lot. People patting each other on the back for their birth control choices. Like they
need some sort of support or encouragement to "do the right thing." And there I am, in the midst of the
sea of absurdity, shaking my head, choking on my food, wondering where all sense of propriety has gone.

Fun fact: there are two classes of hormonal contraceptives.

Combined estrogen/progestin preparations
+
Progestin-only preparations

Combined preparations include artificial hormones, estrogen and progestin, to disrupt
normal, healthy functions of a woman's cycle. That sounds smart. "Let's fix something that's
NOT broken." Most common forms on the market:

Orally ingested pills // (i.e., LO/Ovral, Loestrin, Yaz, Seasonique)
Patches changed weekly // (i.e., Ortho Evra)
Vaginal ring worn 3 weeks then left out for 1 week // (i.e., Nuvaring)
Have you seen THIS thriller, Vanity Fair, article on Nuvaring's death toll?
Progestin-only preparations do not contain estrogen and are available to the public as:

Orally ingested pills // (i.e., Micronor, Nor-QD, Nora-BE, Camila, Errin)
Injections given every 3 months // (i.e., Depo-Provera)
Implants worn under the skin for 3 years // (i.e., Implanon)
Intrauterine devices worn up to 3 years // (i.e., Morena)
We all know, more or less, how these work. They accomplish ovulation suppression, they prohibit
sperm migration by thickening or altering cervical mucus, or prevent implantation. One or all three
of these mechanisms can take place in a given cycle to prevent pregnancy.

Artificial hormones, messing with the body's natural rhythm, flow, regular balance of hormones,
is dangerous ground. But no regular doctor will tell you that. Just another stat, number,
repeat patient, money in the pocket.


"Discontinuing hormonal contraceptives due to side effects is common in U.S. women;
64% of women who stop taking the Pill do so because of side effects, and another 13% stop
because of worries of side effects." - Mosher, W.D., Jones, J. "Use of Contraception in the
United States: 1982-2008." National Center for Health Statistics. Vital Health State 23 (29). 2010.

Most common complaints: headaches, cramping, breast tenderness, and bloating and/or swelling.
Major risks include blood clots, stroke, heart attack and cancer. Sign me up!

Recent studies show:

"Women who started using hormonal contraceptives before age 18 have a 90% increased risk of any
breast cancer and a 370% increased risk for "triple negative" breast cancer (a particularly aggressive
form responsible for about 10-17% of all cases in the U.S.)" - Dolle, J.M., et.al, "Risk Factors for
Triple Negative Breast Cancer in Women under the Age of 45 years" (Cancer Epid. Biomark Prev. 2009,
18(4):1157-1166).

"Women who use hormonal contraceptives bfore their first birth are at 44% increased risk of
breast cancer." - Kahlenborn, C. et.al. "Oral Contraceptive Use as a Risk Factor for
Premenopausal Breast Cancer: a Meta-analysis" (Mayo Clin. Proc. 2006, 81(10):1290-1302).

"Women who use contraceptives 11 years or longer are at 210% increased risk of breast cancer.
For perspective, this same study found smoking, a well known carcinogen, increasing breast cancer
risk 25% in the same study population." - Corghan, I.T., et.al. "The Role of Smoking in
Breast Cancer Development: An Analysis of a Mayo Clinic Cohort" (Breast J. 2009, 15(5): 489-495).

And if that's not enough:

In 1981, the president of the American College of Obstetrics & Gynecology,
told the U.S. Senate on a proposed bill attempting to restrict Roe vs. Wade:

"I believe that it is realistic to assume that the IUD and the low-dose oral contraceptive
pills could be considered abortifaceints." - Gold, R.B., "The Implications of Defining When a Woman
is Pregnant" (The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy, May 2005).

If ovulation suppression and the inhibition of sperm have failed, the third mechanism,
"prevention of implantation" DOES occur with effective hormonal contraceptives.
That means a LIFE has been conceived - as it has gotten through the first two gates -
and is then TERMINATED. It's prettier than an abortion, but still.

_____________________________________
So when people are offended that I "don't respect" their "choice" - I'm in awe really.

You mean you want to jump off a cliff?

I guess if the answer is "yes" I'm not going to stop you. I'll "respect your choice" -
after you've reassured me that you're firing on all cylinders here.

Pharmaceuticals are for the sick and broken. Your body isn't broken, women.
Don't let hormonal contraceptives make you so. The next time someone is begging for a little
"back pat", do them a favor and remind them that there is a price, and that you love them enough
to share these details because it's not worth their life.

I'm so pro-woman my heart hurts.




Want to learn more about Natural Family Planning?
here & here
+ + +
FACTS + DETAILS taken from The Couple to Couple League
all opinions expressed are my own.

No Baby Carrots for Mama Bear

"Writer, editor, speaker, obstetric nurse, and advocate for women facing
unexpected pregnancy..." I'm singing her accolades, and asking you all to rise
to your feet in support and admiration for a woman who faced two tiny blue lines in a college
apartment one night with her boyfriend and made a decision, against so many odds, to run the gauntlet
of an unplanned pregnancy to bring forth the greatest gift on earth: LIFE.


Chaunie Marie Brusie, author of Tiny Blue Lines, is one fierce vision of a mama.
I devoured her book in less than 48 hours. It was like a box of doughnuts. I'd read one page,
and before I knew it, I had read 100. Ok, I've never eaten 100 doughnuts. In one sitting at least.
One page had me laughing out loud and the next had me bawling my eyes out.

21 years old, a senior in college, with big dreams for the future, she and her boyfriend of four years
at the time, now husband, had plans to study abroad and one day be married. With multiple positive
pregnancy tests (because she thought there must be an error!) - "The question of 'what if I'm pregnant?'
quickly became 'what the heck am I going to do now?'"

The world would say that she had every reason in the world to terminate the pregnancy.
In fact, as sad as it is, I think most people would have patted her on the back and drove
her to a clinic themselves, handing her tissues, and applauding her "noble" decision -
to take back her life and not bring a baby into such "unstable conditions."
It is absolutely ridiculous.

"To me, abortion, in a way, is telling that young girl that she is too broken to repair.
To me, abortion is telling that mother that her baby, flawed already, isn't worth the fight.
To me, abortion is telling that woman that her husband is right - that she and her baby
are nuisances."

That kind of courage should leave you speechless. That kind of courage brought forth a
beautiful baby girl named Ada - who will forever know that her mother was brave enough to say
"yes" to life.


She fearlessly talks about the shame - the squinty eyes and questioning stares from familiar
faces and strangers alike. The guilt that haunted her along the way was a demon she sent howling
back to hell. She shares the "rainbows and butterflies" along the way - like her husband's super
romantic proposal on the beach to the moment she felt God speaking to her heart saying, "my baby
is not a punishment", but she also shares the "storms and serpents" - the ugly tears,
doubts, and the path to reclaiming her life.

She did not see her unplanned pregnancy as the end, but the beginning of the best part of her life.

"I want to celebrate young mothers, not because we are young, but because we are just darn
good mothers and people. We aren't afraid to make our own paths, continue our educations, stay
home with our babies, work, or pursue our passions."

I think we all can relate to thwarted plans in one way or another, but to find the grace
to roll with the punches?! Lord, help us all! Chaunie proves that it CAN be done.

At one point in the book, Chaunie shares about how she had planned to one day tell her "husband"
that they were "expecting" over a romantic dinner of BABY carrots, BABY potatoes, BABY steaks.
As women I think we all daydream about these grand milestones we anticipate! This was such a funny,
cute, relatable antidote - I know I was smiling and shaking my head at the same time feeling the
weight of my own "crushed" dreams, but also remembering the fact that those "crushed" dreams of
mine lead to some of the BEST dreams that God had for me... that God had for Chaunie.

There is something to be said about the love a mother has for her child. It's a fierce, wild,
mama bear kind of thing that is so unique, rich, deep. We're talking about unconditional, run through
the fire, lay down your life kind of love. And you can feel that emanating from every page of
Tiny Blue Lines.

"She (Chaunie's own mother) put things into perspective by reminding me that I was certainly not the
first person this has happened to, nor would I be the last. And most important, she did not judge me..."

I think this was my favorite part of the whole book. The unconditional, fierce, wild, mama bear love
that Chaunie's mother gave her... and then in turn, the passing on of that love to the little girl
that Chaunie (and her husband, Ben!) would welcome into the world.

She ran the gauntlet and her reward is sweet. Life is too precious to sacrifice.
Tiny Blue Lines will teach you how to grow, bend, heal, and see the world of unplanned
pregnancy (and motherhood in general!) through a pair of new eyes.


Celebrate motherhood, in all it's shapes and sizes, with us?
Here's how you can connect with Chaunie Brusie:

BLOG || FACEBOOK || TWITTER || INSTAGRAM

Want a copy of her book? Yea you do. Amazon.


**all quotes taken from Tiny Blue Lines by Chaunie Marie Brusie**

Embryo screening, selective breeding, and playing God.

Recently ABC ran this story on embryo screening for breast cancer.

I wish we lived in a world without breast cancer. I wish we lived in a world
without any disease at all. It's a tragic reminder that we no longer live in Eden;
broken, genetically disordered, flawed, failing, flat-lining...

Mortal bodies with immortal souls. If you believe in that sort of thing.
HOPE, but still sad for so many of us suffering, watching those we love suffer,
losing the battle too big, so many pieces, slipping through our hands. This is not the end.


Katie Moisse for ABC writes, "Breast cancer is the latest disease being bred out of families through
preimplantation genetic diagnosis – an embryo screening test once reserved for fatal genetic disorders."

Here we are talking about in vitro-fertilization; which is a whole moral theology can of worms on its
own. The most startling, to-be-discussed issue here, in the case of breast cancer screening, is that
the defected ones are discarded, thrown away, in favor of more SUPERIOR embryos.

Some are thanking their Jesus for "modern medicine" while others are scratching their heads
wondering if we are pushing ethical boundaries. Let me clarify, I am NOT scratching my head,
but screaming inside and all over my blog now. Lucky you.

Is it just me or does it seem that Nazi, Germany has come to America in high fashion?
The red carpet has been rolled out, and ladies and gentleman, our country seems to be applauding
the fact that we can "GET RID" of the mutants to allow a stronger specimen to live.
It could just be me.

The truth is, they cannot be 100% sure. And even if they are SURE, that a test tube baby
is positively carrying for breast cancer, who is to say that child does not want to live?
Or how long it is going to live? They don't know how many GOOD years, "quality" years, of
happiness and health there will be before the inevitable... death.

We are ALL dying. Today I am 26 years old, and should I die tomorrow from some genetic
disorder that could have been avoided with preimplantation genetic diagnosis, I'm thankful
for the time I DID have... the full life I have lived.

If there is someone out there who wishes their loved one who died from breast cancer
had never been born to suffer at some point in their life - can they please come forward?
This just does not make sense to me. I've lost loved ones from various illnesses - and
I know that I am grateful for EVERY second I had with them.

I believe we walk on thin ice when it comes to playing God.

I understand that suffering is hard. And that is coming from one who does not suffer well.
I run a fever and I call my mother to come hold me. But don't you think we should let life take
its NATURAL course, unfolding the beauty of people and the gifts they have to contribute
to the world... no matter what their genetic code prophesies?

All about being Pro-Choice

I can see all those who know me well, shaking their heads,
furrowing their brows in disbelief, confusion... did she say Pro-Choice???

Yes, I just threw my comfort zone to the wind.

Disclaimer: and I've got to throw this in here because I WILL get a comment or a nasty e-mail
saying that I'm a radical bigot with no heart and a mightier-than-thou attitude. I'll save you
the time. I already know what you are going to say - sooooo let's not waste energy?

This post is not for the Little Bo-Peeps, but rather the ones who kindle the spirit
of Sir William Wallace in their hearts - the brave hearts...



January 22nd, 1973. More than a decade before I was even born.
Our nation made a decision that ushered in, what I believe as, the American holocaust.
All in the name of "women's rights" - to protect her health and reproductive freedom.

41 years of legal abortion in the United States. According to LifeNews.com (2012):
"...54,559,615 abortions since 1973 based on data from both the Centers for Disease Control
and the pro-abortion Guttmacher Institute, a former Planned Parenthood research arm."
We're talking World War II numbers here; right in our own backyard.

Let's play a game. Pretend it was all a lie. Imagine that it wasn't about women's rights
at all. "Health and reproductive freedom" was a slogan used to rally support, but ended up
being a load of BS like some other popular government slogans we've seen... recently. Ahem.

It is a FACT that 78% of Planned Parenthood clinics (the largest abortion provider in the U.S.)
are located in (( minority )) communities. It is a FACT that the very founder and first president
of PP, Margaret Sanger, was an avid racist and dropped quotes like,

"Colored people are like human weeds and are to be exterminated," with careless ease.

Don't believe me? This recorded interview from 1957 is a real gem of an eye opener.


We're not only dealing with racial issues here, but an obvious onslaught directed
at life in general. I'm sorry, but if you want to argue that "it's not a baby" -
or with other typical pro-choice jargon - go right ahead. Truth is - some people
just can't handle the truth. We want to see what we want to see. Good story. The end.

If a woman is not pregnant with a baby... then what the heck is she pregnant with?

God forbid we step on an endangered baby sea turtle "fetus" - why?
Because mother turtles beget baby turtles, duh... and so forth throughout the animal kingdom.
It's NOT a blob of turtle tissue - it's the very potential of endangered life we're talking about!
It's NOT a blob of human tissue either. Catch my drift?

Humans have humans. No matter which way you slice it.

Size. Size is what matters here. States regulating the size, age of a baby in utero viable for legal
abortion. What about the health and reproductive freedom of that child in the womb?

Psshhh... that's just a slogan, remember? To evoke happy thoughts and votes.

"The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion - because if a mother can kill her own child,
what is left but for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between." - Mother Teresa

Here's the cream. I am pro-woman, pro-man, pro-child...
and I do believe that we have a CHOICE.

image
We make our choices - to have sex or not to have sex...
and roll with what comes from that. I'm all about YOUR CHOICE here.
But I'm also about the CHOICE of the life that may come from YOUR CHOICE...
because I'm pretty sure no one in their right mind wants to be exposed to the instruments of abortion.

Call it a consequence of the act? Call it a blessing?
But DO NOT let anyone tell you that it is not a baby;
that abortion will be painless, with zero repercussions.

Lies. Control. Suppression. Money.

What about in the cases of rape, Brittany? That woman has been through
enough - the last thing she needs is a reminder of a tragedy.

My heart goes out. My heart breaks. Thousands of pieces, my friends. Shattered.
I cannot imagine. I cannot understand. I cannot fix what has been broken.

I can try and stop more brokenness though. It's still a life. A small life -that had no say in
the matter. Another victim who deserves the chance to live a full and happy life. Life is healing.

Let me ask you this: If a woman, married with 2 kids, finds herself being beaten and abused by her husband
OR one day realizes that her husband has had half a dozen affairs and fathered other children in the process -
does she ABORT (kill) the children she conceived and bore with that horrible man because looking at those
2 kids would only remind her of her tragic marriage?

Remember the sea turtles? Humans beget humans.
Life heals. Death is not the answer. Abortion is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

"A person's a person no matter how small." - Dr. Seuss

And if you missed the punch above -
don't panic and a put a Pro-Life brigade on my front lawn.
I'm more for women than you can even wrap your mind around.
I'm for their health and TRUE freedom. I'm for the tiny babies
that have no voices, but all the makings of a human person written
in their microscopic DNA. Heck, I'm even for the sea turtles.

I am all about choices -
make them wisely and embrace the journey that unfurls.

I am a Roe vs. Wade survivor -
speaking for the 55 million and counting voices that will never be heard.
And I will never forget.

May the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God rest in peace.
Amen.


... YOU ARE NOT ALONE ...
If you or someone you know has suffered from an abortion or is currently experiencing a
crisis pregnancy, please reach out. There is help. YOU ARE LOVED. THERE IS FORGIVENESS.
Please follow the links or e-mail me at: lilyfieldmomma@yahoo.com // God bless! XO
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