6 Years

He taught me to drive his motorcycle on this country road. We caught fireflies and took a walk that night as well. He told me, "Hey, you know you're leading this walk as much as I am, right?" I don't even remember responding. I was willing to walk all night; the night I fell in love with Nathan.





I tried to convince him to date one of my Christian girlfriends. I'm not particularly good at playing matchmaker or anything, I just get a kick out of the imaginary pairings and mock marriages in my brain. Needless to say, he didn't like my idea. And he still doesn't like it when I go playing matchmaker for other people. He calls me "Emma" sometimes. Any Jane Austen fans? It usually means: A.) Badly done, Brittany or B.) Stop it now.

"I've got the perfect gal for you to date," I told him one afternoon while riding on the back of his bike.

"Can you just find me someone... like you?"

He was dead serious. Always so forward. For real- it was a little painful to watch him fall all over himself, making passes at me time and again. It was adorable, but painful. Haha. It was as cheesy as you are imagining. Now Nathan admits to feeling no control over the words that were coming out of his mouth. He's told me that he would say things and then his inner monologue read: "WHAT AM I DOING?!" Love does crazy things to the human heart. Turns people into walking Hallmark cards!

One time I was sitting at the bar at Applebees, where we both worked, waiting on my food, when he just real subtly dropped, "You're really cute!" To offset the awkwardness, I awkwardly replied, "I know." He just pushed further, "No, you are cuter than you know!" Yea, ok, buddy. Ha. I wasn't in a position where I could date him. Heck, I wasn't even sure I wanted to date him! I seriously would get rid of serving shifts when we were scheduled to work together because I just wanted to "be friends".

At least that's what I told myself.

Like the scene from Little Mermaid, when Ariel is in big trouble with her dad, "He's a human! You're a mermaid!" Every girl born in the 80's has this memorized by heart, am I right? But yea, I had something similar reeling through my head, "I'm a Catholic! And he's a Nazarene!" He doesn't like that. He'd tell you, "Christian." Which is true, but he has the vibes of a Nazarene. It paints the picture and adds to the drama here. So I'm gonna leave it.

My mom fell in love with him first. That's not awkward. She MADE me invite him out to this study she was leading called Theology of the Body. Literally, she put the phone book (remember when?) in my hand and told me not to come out of my room until I had called and asked him to attend. Luckily he said "yes" and I got to come out of my room. So basically it was an arranged marriage.

The night of the first meeting he came out on his motorcycle. We sat at the same table together with a bunch of other young adults, including my boyfriend at the time. Afterwards we had a bonfire in my backyard where Nathan shamelessly sang a song that he wrote for me. In front of current boyfriend. I thought nothing of it, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend told me that he would "rip his face off" if Nathan sang to me again. And my mom was all like, "Oh my gosh! Nathan is wonderful!" #facepalm. I like to think we gave Nicholas Sparks a run for his money.

So after all that, I did the only logical thing to do. I asked him out.

Yup.

The relationship with the boyfriend was rapidly ending anyway and I was hurt, and probably should have waited to officially "break up", but I didn't. And this is exactly why I tell people NOT to date in high school. It just rarely makes for a comfortable story to share. Ha.

Nathan picked me up from my hair appointment that day. And when he dropped me off, he prayed with me. I couldn't see straight between my broken heart and growing fondness for him. I liked this man. A lot. He felt like home. You know what I'm talking about? I just knew, ok?! Cliche of all cliches.

It wasn't a few weeks later, after my previous relationship was officially over, that we stood on my back porch together.

"What am I going to do with this heart?" Nathan asked.

"You're gonna marry it," I prophesied.

Apparently I'm forward too. Match made in heaven.

And just like that, 3 years later, after breaking up and getting back together 3 times, we realized that King Triton was wrong all along. Humans and Mermaids can totally get married if God wants them too.


Celebrating 6 years.
Happy Anniversary to us. XO.


P.S. I'm the mermaid. Nathan is the human. In case anyone was confused.

Why We Will Not Be Sterilized

We were at the zoo, pressing our hands and noses to the glass of the crocodile exhibit.
I was noticeably pregnant, and a woman with her daughter asked the million dollar question:

"Do you know what you are having?"

Me: "No, we like surprises!!!"

"Well, hopefully it is a GIRL this time so you don't have to be pregnant again!"

Me: *fake laughing* - "Oh, we are just getting started!"

We've had variations of this conversation with at least a dozen strangers since my second
pregnancy. It doesn't bother me in the slightest way, but it never ceases to take me off guard!
You care that much about my fertility? And family size? AWESOME! You just won yourself a
roundtrip ticket to my "openness to life" speech!!! Muhahaha.

I might be exaggerating, when I fill in the blanks with these conversations, but it just
seems that people probably assume that either I or my husband will choose to be sterilized so
that I "don't have to be pregnant again." I mean, I'm 27 - but look like I'm 16 (right?!), I
can't imagine that they envision two decades of me on hormonal birth control?

Could be wrong.

A few weekends ago, my husband and I watched Lois Lowry's The Giver come to life on the
big screen. Being a literature buff, I was a tad disappointed in Hollywood's creative license,
but still overall impressed in the emotion they were able to capture and create.

After the movie was over, I just sat and stared at the TV watching the credits roll by;
winding up my scattered train of thoughts as it went.

If you're not familiar, in this literary dystopian world of The Giver, they take pills to
suppress emotion - killing the desire for intimacy and sex, among other things. Babies don't
come from the loving embrace of a man and woman, but are grown in women as a rule,
(don't really want to start an IVF argument here) from artificial insemination.

People live, grow, and die in a world where color, joy, feelings, love, all the memories of the past
are stolen from them. And it is all seen as a normal, good thing. Those in authority know what is best.
Still talking about the story here.

I looked at my husband, feeling the weight of that futuristic world on my own shoulders,
wanting to cry, and told him that I am so thankful that we still FEEL and have a CHOICE when it
comes to fertility and bearing children. I can't imagine not knowing the goodness of the marital
embrace or the wonder of carrying the life that grows from there.

It is in the gift of being "co-creators" of life that we as humans are most like God - THE CREATOR.
I mean, I can't even wrap my mind around the incredible honor that God bestows upon us in the ability
to generate new life! We are talking bodies with SOULS - eternal souls for an eternal Kingdom!

Without going into any grand biblical, theological, or historical explanation or argument,
this is the heart of why WE have chosen to not be sterilized (or use contraception for that matter).

Nathan and I came into this world with the amazing gift of "sexual organs", for lack of a more
whimsical term, in perfect-ish working order (THANK YOU, LORD! - not taken for granted)...

why "fix" something that is not broken?

I can't imagine, purposefully, removing or stopping what God intended for us as man and wife -
the gift of "co-creating" with HIM in OUR marriage. The sterility in the world of The Giver,
coming full circle now!, seems so dark, heavy - too "lifeless" to bear.

Give me the color, the emotions, the desires.
Give me the ability to give and receive and be filled with LIFE from and with my spouse --

in the great mystery of God.

And I will give you 3 children and counting +++
Because, remember? - we're just getting started!!!



_________________________________________________________________

P.S.
If you want to comment, please be kind and realize this post is NOT meant as an attack,
but merely a reflection, testimony of a way of life that WE have chosen. This isn't about
"I'm right" and "you're wrong" -- and just because we might not "agree" does not mean
we still can't "love." Ok. End disclaimer. It's Christmas-time. Just spare me the hate mail.

P.P.S.
If you or your spouse have been sterilized and have ever reconsidered,
you can e-mail me for resources: lilyfieldmomma@yahoo.com

P.P.P.S. (is that a thing!?)

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