The Importance of Kindred Spirits

Here's a toast to Anne Shirley; to all the bosom friends and kindred spirits!
Diamond sunbursts, marble halls, puffed sleeves and strings of pearls are lovely, but
tried and true, rich and deep friendship? Our Anne girl knew what she was talking about.

It's such a beautiful gift this side of heaven.


This month I managed to escape with some of my dearest friends to spend the
weekend together! I kept pinching myself thinking, "I can't believe we pulled this off."
Shout out to our amazing husbands who held down the forts + children... on DST weekend no less!

That wasn't on purpose, by the way. But a nice perk for us momma-ladies!

Community does not come easy these days. I watch my grandparents, "the greatest generation ever,"
so easily plan to do life together with their "people." They naturally are inclined to not walk
the road alone. Whatever they are doing, you can bet there is more family or friends involved.
Whether it be work or play. I envy them.

So what's wrong with our generation? Hidden behind cell phones and profile pictures, we talk
without really talking -- always texting, pinging, DM-ing because... I don't know why?

I guess it has become convenient, normal, socially acceptable.
I guess our lives are so full of busy-ness that there just isn't time.
I guess it enables us all to be multi-tasking Jedi masters.

I know I get scared, but I want to throw caution to the wind and send out the call, the invite.
I want to keep showing up and being vulnerable enough to be really real with the people I encounter.
Our stories, our connections -- the lives we touch -- are not arbitrary.

Let that sink in.

If you believe in God, there is no random business here.

He chose this place, these people for us to walk with. We need them.



And we need cupcakes.

I think the opportunities to build meaningful, beyond small talk, friendships come up a
few times throughout our lives. And this weekend spent with some of my "kindred spirits" really
spoke into my life (who says that?!) -- shaking me awake! Brittany, show up, invite, be present.

People are in the present moment, and are merely caught in virtual code on the digital frontier.

I want to be present.
I want to be counter-cultural.
I want to channel that "greatest generation" vibe.
I want to dare to be a "bosom friend."
I want to LIVE life with the people God chose to surround me with.


Viva Anne Shirley!



"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think.
It's splendid to find out that there are so many of them in the world."
- L.M. Montgomery

What I Want My Kids to Know about Dating in High School

This has been a long time coming. I guess since I had one boyfriend in high school, I am
basically the Jedi Master on the topic - all things considered. I joke. But I've had enough
folks ask me about my thoughts on the matter, I figured I'd make it official and POST.

I have to prelude this with a significant disclaimer - in the likely case that some hundred
people (give or take) who knew me and said boyfriend in high school are reading this.

I honestly don't think that a more "ideal" dating situation for two 17 year olds could be
constructed. We were both homeschooled, from big families, with solid formation and strong
convictions in the morality department. Obviously, we went our separate ways 2 years later,
but I wouldn't say that it was a "failed" relationship or one that I "regret".

I just wish I had been able to see the big picture.

It was a small chapter of my life; one that God allowed to be written for one reason or another.
The relationship definitely changed me. Not for the worse or anything, but that's what happens,
right? People leave an impression - and that's why I don't "regret" the whole thing. I mean it
plays a part in who I am today. And thus a POST is born. There you go.

You know, my parents were right though. I love admitting that NOW, but at the time I would
have cried them an ocean of estrogen if they would have ACTED on what they tried to tell me.

THERE IS TIME.
JUST BE SEVENTEEN.

They also had all these other crazy ideas about "courtship" and "chaperoned encounters"
in the living room which I promptly poo-pooed all over because "we are NOT the Duggars!"
Luckily they didn't push that agenda, but I had to share because it wasn't funny then,
but it sure is funny now!

Anyway. I digress.

Here are the 3 things that I want my own kids to know about dating in high school...

1.) FRIENDS. Focus on friends. Guys friends - gal friends - ENJOY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE.
Take advantage of those "non romantic" relationships to learn about who you really are
and want to become. I think it's hard to concentrate on others around you when you are
raging with adolescent hormones. Am I wrong? I mean, when you're "in love", you eat, sleep,
breathe that interest. More or less - depends I guess.

But spend the weekends with your friends - eating Ben and Jerry's out of the carton
and having lip-syncing contests with hairbrush microphones. Or if you're a boy, do whatever
boys do?! Make fire, shoot some tin cans, eat an entire convenient store worth of potato chips?
You catch my drift.

You will have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to spend with your spouse. Wait for it. Just be.

2.) FUTURE SPOUSE. Speaking of "your spouse" - PRAY FOR THEM. Know that if you are
called to dating and marriage that it is waiting for you. Dating in high school may or may not, but
most likely, present opportunities that weigh on the virtues of purity and chastity. It's a lot
to deal with even OUTSIDE OF HIGH SCHOOL - let alone when you're dealing with those raging
hormones I was talking about above. Not worth it. Don't carry that challenge until you are
good and ready.

Not that my kids will care or want to mimic me, but writing letters to my future spouse was
SO GOOD for my own heart. Definitely made me "think twice" about who I dated and how I carried
myself in those relationships. My future spouse was REAL to me. You will NEVER regret honoring
them in all ways.

3.) JESUS. He has a PLAN FOR YOU in your singleness - things that He wants you to
accomplish without a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or children attached. Look for it, love it, live it!
Whether that's school, mission work, ministry, etc. I don't know. But I DO know that you should take
advantage of the season and be fully alive in the joy of that. You might still do school, mission work,
ministry, etc. WITH your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or children someday (and it will be beautiful!),
but love the moments before and hold nothing back.

But I think making decisions about what comes after high school will be easier, more clear,
more of WHO YOU ARE and less of WHO "WE" ARE without a significant other in the picture.
You've gotta do what YOU are called to do before you say "I DO!"

Jesus dreams BIG for you. Give Him your hands, your heart - always do HIS will.
Momma can't argue with that.



People have asked me if I'll let my own kids date in high school. I have no plans of stopping
them at the moment. But you can bet they'll have to "hear it all" from their mother just in case
they might be swayed. If THAT fails, I may have to try scaring them away from the idea with
some of those "living room courtship" ideas my own parents had for me! Wink.

Bosom Friends in a Homosexual Culture

The other day my husband's buddy was texting me details about this "guys' movie night" they were
planning, and I told this friend that it was ALL I could do to not make some stupid "man date"
comment. He baited me though. Told me that he moved a "love seat" to his basement, and the
next thing I knew I was texting back, "leave room for the Holy Spirit!"

*face palm*

It's strange, that even I, as a well-formed, pretty secure Christian, have trouble separating myself
from a culture that promotes and supports homosexual behavior. It's like I am weirded-out or something
by the idea of a man (or woman) having an intimate, obviously non-homosexual, relationship with
another man (woman). I feel like my own brain has been tapped and warped
- with the ideas of true, deep friendship being distorted.

Because obviously girls can't be friends with girls without something funny going on.

Makes me a little crazy. Culture, you will NOT have your way with me.
Because I am a woman who believes in the "Davids & Jonathans" of this world.

"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved
him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.
And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe
he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt."
- 1 Samuel 18:1-4

My husband and I were talking recently about how important, even needed, it is for us to have rich
friendships with people of the same sex. We seem to have this innate need, desire, to be loved, affirmed,
supported, cheered-on by members that share our gender.

I think we all know as women that "You look great!" - coming from a man means a lot,
but those words coming from a woman that we admire, look up to, trust... mean a whole lot more.

Having someone that understands OUR world so intimately (manhood, womanhood, fatherhood,
motherhood) to hold our hand, our heart, as we finish this journey here on earth is a priceless craving
that is beautiful when satisfied.

I didn't think anything of it growing up. I have three sisters and we always played with each others'
hair, rubbed each others' backs, cuddled in each others' beds. We held hands, got ready in the same
bathroom, and just LIVED, as if it were normal - a rich, intimate experience with each other.

Now, I find myself walking through the mall with my sister and wonder if people think we are
a "couple" having a baby together or something. Once again, *face palm*.

I swear I'm not twelve.

Recently one of my best friends from college came to visit me and it did my heart SO MUCH GOOD!
Truly a kindred spirit, another sister, another intimate experience in a same-sex relationship that
enriches my life, makes me a better woman. The world might smirk and suggest that there is "more"
going on than meets the eye, but that's only because it doesn't remember and wants to distort
the beauty of intimacy found when man meets man or woman meets woman.

Makes sense though. So often the most beautiful, noble, natural ideas that God has instilled,
created for us to enjoy and live out here in our human experience are mutilated and propagated with
a twisted agenda. And we all become a little uncomfortable. Which is why I probably make stupid
"man date" comments - even when I KNOW the TRUTH and WANT my own husband to have
"David and Jonathan" experiences!!! Heck, I want (need!) the female version of that!

I am a woman who believes in the "Anne Shirleys and Diana Barrys" of this world."

"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think.
It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world." - L.M. Montgomery

So I'm reminding myself to LIVE in this world, but NOT be of it.
The world can take it's skewed ideology and stupid "man date" jokes and just... you know.

Remember the intended beauty. Seek the intended beauty. Live the intended beauty.

Long live, bosom friends.

Yes, we CAN be friends.

As I scrolled through Facebook the other day, at least half a dozen of my "friends"
had "shared" an article by Dugans Incahoots titled: "We can't be friends."
Heck, people were tagging me so that I would read the article too. Thank you. I did.

Long story short - it basically reads that her home is messy 90% of the time,
and if she has to clean before you come over then you can't be friends.

And suddenly my armpits began to sweat, in the most lady-like way possible of course.
Just tell me, are you sharing this because I am the one who needs to take a chill pill in the
home sanitation department or do you feel like you owe me an explanation for the status of your home?

I then went and applied some more deodorant.

Truth is, I recently argued with my doctor about incorporating an exercise routine into my day.
I bend, lift, pick, shove, kick-it all day, every day because I have kids and they make messes...
and I am a lover of order. Thus I'd rather sweep up crumbs, wipe down walls, and organize
toy bins than catch up on the latest episode of The Bachelor. I "work-out" ok, doc?!

That's a joke. I don't even watch The Bachelor! But if you watch The Bachelor, I still love you.
I think less of you, but I still love you. That's my new favorite joke... ba-da-ba!
*clashing cymbol* Someone stop me. Ha!

I'm not saying my house is ALWAYS perfect. I do have my days.
But more often than not, it's pretty ship-shape around here.

I am the mom who feels slightly embarrassed when "other moms" come over and ask me,

"So is your house always this clean?" ...

YES!?

I imagine that this response makes them all sorts of uncomfortable so I start back-peddling...

I mean... are you kidding me?!
As I frantically sprinkle some dried play-doh (the bane of my existence as a mother)
all over the floor and casually spill some day-old milk. Home sweet home.

I think the home is an expression of one's self and family.
And that's beautiful - NO MATTER WHAT!


Sometimes that expression looks messy, discombobulated, spread out, organic.
Other times that expression looks like labeled bins, alphabetical bookshelves,
and vacuumed floors. I don't alphabetize my books, for the record.

It's the people that LIVE in that house, their personalities and preferences,
that pull it all together and make it a HOME.

I agree with Dugans Incahoots - we DO need to stop trying to impress one another and
just BE who we are in our homes. But I say we CAN be friends... if we just meet each other
where we are at, clean or messy house, and focus on what really matters!!!

It's not the house. It's the people.
It's about living life - whatever it looks like - with those we love.

Relax. Just leave things the way they are. Your home is like an extension of your skin -
be comfortable in it. And let others be comfortable with you.

I declare the "Mrs." and "Mommy" wars officially over.
Glad we're friends.