My Wedding Day Was NOT the Best Day of My Life

Seven years ago we said "I do" and did all the holy, wonderful things to bind us together as
husband and wife in front of all our family and friends.... but no, I don't think it was the
"best day of our lives".

The "best" has come in all the days after -- in the waking up over and over again in the "real world",
choosing Christ before we choose ourselves, saying "I will, I'm sorry, I'm showing up, I love you."

Sounds all easy peasy, but for anyone that has been married, you know this is HARD and HOLY work --
NOT exactly what you find on a Hallmark greeting card. Ha!

When I was fifteen I wanted to be a nun. Like hardcore. Long story short, God made it pretty clear
that was NOT His will for my life. I stood in front of a statue of the baby Jesus during Christmastime
in Rome, Italy and told Him, hands on my hips, "Well, I offered to be YOUR bride. Marriage is for weaklings."

Basically, "Your loss, Lord."

Oh Brittany. Thank goodness we grow up. And then grow up some more, right?

I think the hardest part of life is trusting God. Like, I know I often think, "I hope YOU
have a plan..." OF COURSE HE HAS A PLAN! I'm basically an annoying 5 year old in the
backseat, "Are we there yet?"

God knew. He knew I was really going to LIKE Nathan. Like.... like-like-looooove!!!!
But seriously, sometimes I pinch myself, is this my real life? I am so blessed. WE are so blessed.

And we think that the "best" has come in the birth of our babies, building a life together,
getting through the hard times to come out stronger, more united, determined to keep working on
heaven together!!! Each year brings us into a deeper, more comfortable kind of love. NOT the kind
made of unicorns and fluffy bunny rabbits, but the kind of love that dares to imitate Calvary.

My life for yours. Laid down. Surrendered.
Easter morning glory kind of love.... and THESE,
these are the best DAYS of our lives!!!

Do we get it right every day? Absolutely not. We are two hopelessly flawed human beings living under
the same roof! We are both firstborns with dominating temperaments.... yea. Imagine. Lol.

Sometimes I joke with Nathan, "I am so proud of myself for marrying you."
Like I did a good job picking out a husband or something?! But the truth is....

ALL JESUS. I'm thankful He didn't want me for a nun....
and that we could celebrate SEVEN YEARS of marriage this month!!!!
SO THANKFUL FOR THIS GOOD LIFE. THIS GOOD VOCATION.

I was going to say "back when we were dating" -- but then I'm like SCRATCH THAT!
We are STILL dating. Married, but dating! Husband and wife, but still very much
"boyfriend and girlfriend" and all that romantic jazz.

For real you guys -- I am HEAD OVER HEELS in love with this man.

But yea back when we were dating... we visited this enchanting place....

And we ran away this past weekend to visit again!!! So much like Pride and Prejudice --
walking the beautiful grounds and stealing a kiss on the wide open front lawn.

Call me Elizabeth Bennet. Call him Mr. Darcy.

The Scariest Thing I Have Ever Done

I thought learning to ride a bike was frightening.
Sleeping in a shack in the middle of nowhere, Mexico? Put me on edge.
I was nervous every single time I had to speak in front of hundreds of people,
and I kept my parents on speed dial every time they left the house.

Starting relationships, ending relationships, going to college, getting in car accidents,
giving up my job, hospitalized for pneumonia, being a missionary, leaving my family...
shook me.

But the scariest thing I have ever done?


These tiny little hearts, minds, bodies entrusted to my care don't come with manuals.
There's no auto-pilot, return policy, or warranty. It feels so risky; all too dangerous
to let the DNA masterpieces of yourself, your spouse, run around in this big, wide world.

The sirens go off.
A tornado of "what ifs" blows straight through the very core of my being.

The other day a doctor was explaining to me how as mothers we uniquely store the DNA of
all the children we bear within our liver (so whimsical) and in our brains. Perhaps shedding
light on that connection, that intuition, we feel towards our kids: "I just KNOW they
are sad, happy, hungry, upset, sick, at peace..." We just know what they need.

So my liver, or possibly my brain, tells me that I don't want to mess it up.
I don't want to miss something or make a mistake.
In a nutshell, I want to be Jesus to my children.

I run, non-stop, doing all the things, all day long. I pad their lives with all the good
I can possibly muster to fit into a 24 hour day and then beat myself up as I fall asleep
at night for not BEING more. Who wouldn't wanna be me? I cry because I'm scared I'm
failing. I panic because if I really am failing -- then who in the world is going to pick up
where I leave off? Because I've made myself Jesus for my children, and we all know that
Jesus is the last stop.

I'd like to say that I've come around, been reformed, got baptized in the Church of
Surrender all to Jesus, but I can't. I am, however, TRYING. Because the "Hi, my name is
Brittany and I have a degree in Theology" side knows that playing with fire is safer
than playing God. But my heart? My heart is freaking out and praying, "are you sure?"

WHAT IF I screw it all up? WHAT IF something goes wrong? WHAT IF I sin and
fall and bleed this ugly humanity all over these tiny lives I'd die to protect?

And then there's WHAT IF I LET GO?

WHAT IF I do my very best? WHAT IF I do less and be more? WHAT IF I
open up my clenched fists and hand it all over? WHAT IF I quit masquerading as Jesus for my kids and let Him do His job?

And just be me?


I can hear the "all clear" siren ringing now. The tornado is passing.
I've checked myself into that Church of Surrender all to Jesus and the very rain that has
pelted down, bruising my skin, my heart, my soul, is what is going to baptize me anew --

because I don't have time for motherhood to be scary.

What I Want My Kids to Know about Dating in High School

This has been a long time coming. I guess since I had one boyfriend in high school, I am
basically the Jedi Master on the topic - all things considered. I joke. But I've had enough
folks ask me about my thoughts on the matter, I figured I'd make it official and POST.

I have to prelude this with a significant disclaimer - in the likely case that some hundred
people (give or take) who knew me and said boyfriend in high school are reading this.

I honestly don't think that a more "ideal" dating situation for two 17 year olds could be
constructed. We were both homeschooled, from big families, with solid formation and strong
convictions in the morality department. Obviously, we went our separate ways 2 years later,
but I wouldn't say that it was a "failed" relationship or one that I "regret".

I just wish I had been able to see the big picture.

It was a small chapter of my life; one that God allowed to be written for one reason or another.
The relationship definitely changed me. Not for the worse or anything, but that's what happens,
right? People leave an impression - and that's why I don't "regret" the whole thing. I mean it
plays a part in who I am today. And thus a POST is born. There you go.

You know, my parents were right though. I love admitting that NOW, but at the time I would
have cried them an ocean of estrogen if they would have ACTED on what they tried to tell me.

THERE IS TIME.
JUST BE SEVENTEEN.

They also had all these other crazy ideas about "courtship" and "chaperoned encounters"
in the living room which I promptly poo-pooed all over because "we are NOT the Duggars!"
Luckily they didn't push that agenda, but I had to share because it wasn't funny then,
but it sure is funny now!

Anyway. I digress.

Here are the 3 things that I want my own kids to know about dating in high school...

1.) FRIENDS. Focus on friends. Guys friends - gal friends - ENJOY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE.
Take advantage of those "non romantic" relationships to learn about who you really are
and want to become. I think it's hard to concentrate on others around you when you are
raging with adolescent hormones. Am I wrong? I mean, when you're "in love", you eat, sleep,
breathe that interest. More or less - depends I guess.

But spend the weekends with your friends - eating Ben and Jerry's out of the carton
and having lip-syncing contests with hairbrush microphones. Or if you're a boy, do whatever
boys do?! Make fire, shoot some tin cans, eat an entire convenient store worth of potato chips?
You catch my drift.

You will have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to spend with your spouse. Wait for it. Just be.

2.) FUTURE SPOUSE. Speaking of "your spouse" - PRAY FOR THEM. Know that if you are
called to dating and marriage that it is waiting for you. Dating in high school may or may not, but
most likely, present opportunities that weigh on the virtues of purity and chastity. It's a lot
to deal with even OUTSIDE OF HIGH SCHOOL - let alone when you're dealing with those raging
hormones I was talking about above. Not worth it. Don't carry that challenge until you are
good and ready.

Not that my kids will care or want to mimic me, but writing letters to my future spouse was
SO GOOD for my own heart. Definitely made me "think twice" about who I dated and how I carried
myself in those relationships. My future spouse was REAL to me. You will NEVER regret honoring
them in all ways.

3.) JESUS. He has a PLAN FOR YOU in your singleness - things that He wants you to
accomplish without a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or children attached. Look for it, love it, live it!
Whether that's school, mission work, ministry, etc. I don't know. But I DO know that you should take
advantage of the season and be fully alive in the joy of that. You might still do school, mission work,
ministry, etc. WITH your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or children someday (and it will be beautiful!),
but love the moments before and hold nothing back.

But I think making decisions about what comes after high school will be easier, more clear,
more of WHO YOU ARE and less of WHO "WE" ARE without a significant other in the picture.
You've gotta do what YOU are called to do before you say "I DO!"

Jesus dreams BIG for you. Give Him your hands, your heart - always do HIS will.
Momma can't argue with that.



People have asked me if I'll let my own kids date in high school. I have no plans of stopping
them at the moment. But you can bet they'll have to "hear it all" from their mother just in case
they might be swayed. If THAT fails, I may have to try scaring them away from the idea with
some of those "living room courtship" ideas my own parents had for me! Wink.