Our Ocean Adventure

Last month we loaded up the van and hit the road! Traveling in a 5X10 foot space with three children
six and under is not for the feint of heart. Sixteen and a half hours later we were all laugh-crying
ourselves out of the sardine can on wheels and kissing the pavement triumphantly....

we arrived in North Carolina!!!

You wanna know the first thing I saw? A COCKROACH as big as my head.
#holdme

The drive actually wasn't bad. We brought so many snacks. Like so many. And an entire SEASON of
Curious George which was promptly ingrained into our brains. We also stopped at Chick-fil-a and
let them drink root beer and run off energy in the germ-infested play place. Parents of the year!!!
Yea. We like to live it up around here!!!

If you're looking for travel tips -- that's my best stuff, you guys. Gold.

Seriously though -- no lie -- my kids are awesome and traveled so well; all things considered!!

Anyway. It was amazing to visit my sister, Nellie, and her little family!!! We stayed at their house
for a few days before we headed to the beach --- where we rented these little houses that made us
next door neighbors for the first time in our lives! It was magical. 300 feet from the ocean. Maybe?!

You could hear the waves. See the view from bed. I would have been ok moving in. Let's just stay.
We would walk over this little boardwalk and BAM: the Atlantic Ocean!!!

Everyone had so much fun playing, eating, beaching, napping together!!!
I love the cousins together! Makes me happy.

Our kids learned to boogie board. Heck, even I learned to boogie board! The ocean actually
ripped my swimsuit off down to my waist and I lost the house key (that was tucked in said swimsuit).
It was epic. Very liberating experience.

I will always remember the LAUGHTER of Bella when she met the waves for the first time.
The JOY on Zay's face when he would catch a ride on his board.
And the ENERGY that is Judah, "Today is a good day to surf, mom." -- with that hair of his!
I can't even. Lol.

We took home suntans as souvenirs.... and buckets full of shells that smell like rotting crabs???!
I make the boys keep them out of the house. Except for the ones we made into merman necklaces....

So radically cool, dude.

Love my people and my sister and her family!!!
Glad we could share an ocean adventure together!!!
Take me baaaaaack!!!

My Wedding Day Was NOT the Best Day of My Life

Seven years ago we said "I do" and did all the holy, wonderful things to bind us together as
husband and wife in front of all our family and friends.... but no, I don't think it was the
"best day of our lives".

The "best" has come in all the days after -- in the waking up over and over again in the "real world",
choosing Christ before we choose ourselves, saying "I will, I'm sorry, I'm showing up, I love you."

Sounds all easy peasy, but for anyone that has been married, you know this is HARD and HOLY work --
NOT exactly what you find on a Hallmark greeting card. Ha!

When I was fifteen I wanted to be a nun. Like hardcore. Long story short, God made it pretty clear
that was NOT His will for my life. I stood in front of a statue of the baby Jesus during Christmastime
in Rome, Italy and told Him, hands on my hips, "Well, I offered to be YOUR bride. Marriage is for weaklings."

Basically, "Your loss, Lord."

Oh Brittany. Thank goodness we grow up. And then grow up some more, right?

I think the hardest part of life is trusting God. Like, I know I often think, "I hope YOU
have a plan..." OF COURSE HE HAS A PLAN! I'm basically an annoying 5 year old in the
backseat, "Are we there yet?"

God knew. He knew I was really going to LIKE Nathan. Like.... like-like-looooove!!!!
But seriously, sometimes I pinch myself, is this my real life? I am so blessed. WE are so blessed.

And we think that the "best" has come in the birth of our babies, building a life together,
getting through the hard times to come out stronger, more united, determined to keep working on
heaven together!!! Each year brings us into a deeper, more comfortable kind of love. NOT the kind
made of unicorns and fluffy bunny rabbits, but the kind of love that dares to imitate Calvary.

My life for yours. Laid down. Surrendered.
Easter morning glory kind of love.... and THESE,
these are the best DAYS of our lives!!!

Do we get it right every day? Absolutely not. We are two hopelessly flawed human beings living under
the same roof! We are both firstborns with dominating temperaments.... yea. Imagine. Lol.

Sometimes I joke with Nathan, "I am so proud of myself for marrying you."
Like I did a good job picking out a husband or something?! But the truth is....

ALL JESUS. I'm thankful He didn't want me for a nun....
and that we could celebrate SEVEN YEARS of marriage this month!!!!
SO THANKFUL FOR THIS GOOD LIFE. THIS GOOD VOCATION.

I was going to say "back when we were dating" -- but then I'm like SCRATCH THAT!
We are STILL dating. Married, but dating! Husband and wife, but still very much
"boyfriend and girlfriend" and all that romantic jazz.

For real you guys -- I am HEAD OVER HEELS in love with this man.

But yea back when we were dating... we visited this enchanting place....

And we ran away this past weekend to visit again!!! So much like Pride and Prejudice --
walking the beautiful grounds and stealing a kiss on the wide open front lawn.

Call me Elizabeth Bennet. Call him Mr. Darcy.

Childrenisms

I do some pretty awesome things when my husband is working all day. *pats self on back*
Recently, I managed to rearrange all of our living room furniture -- which included shoving
a very hefty loveseat down our hallway and into our master bedroom. When he finally got home
to the "surprise", I equated the whole moving the couch into the master bedroom scenario to

"giving birth".

I told him, "You must LOVE it! I birthed that couch for us!" Lol.

Disturbing imagery, I know. But I think it highlights the creative labor I put forth
to make my our interior design dreams come true.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is my children. I did truly birth them.
Do you know the other day while I was shopping at Whole Foods (because this would only happen at
Whole Foods) a very energetic, normal-looking woman chased me down the aisle waving and smiling....

Stranger: "Yoohoo! You have two boys and a girl!
You MUST tell me what you DID to get a girl!"

And I'm thinking, clearly she knows 'what to do'.

But no, this lady wants legitimate tips on conceiving a girl. Like down to vaginal pH
and ovulation theories. And I'm just here for fermented pickles, not a fertility lesson!

This "stranger" was suddenly becoming my new BFF. I mean I don't just talk about mucus patterns
with anyone. Oh my gosh this REALLY happened. But then she just said, "We have the three boys,
and I just don't know if I can do one more pregnancy... and not get a girl!"

To which I consoled her with really not consoling news at all, "Well, I really hope we can
have a few more! They are just awesome -- no matter what!!!"

Her whole face changed. But not in a bad way. She THANKED me.

Stranger now BFF: "It's so relieving to hear you say that! I don't want to feel
alone in this! And I think big families are great!

And I'm just standing there like, "What just happened?!"
I hope you name your child, Brittany Awesome, dear lady. Ha.
#cultureoflife #missionwhereyoustand


But I concur.

Big families are awesome, and I just love doing life with these people God gave me --
they make everything so fun...ny.


Me: "How did you get so good at drawing dinosaurs?"
Judah: "Well, I waited 100 years... and then I could just do it!"
Me: "But you're only 4 years old."
Judah: "Well, ok so 4 years..."
Me: "Gotcha."


Isaiah: "Mom, are you making dinner or eating cookies again?"
Me:

Isaiah: "Mom, how much do pets cost?"
Me: "Well, it depends on what you want to buy. Like a pet fish would cost about $3."
Isaiah: "I was thinking T-REX."
Me: "Buddy, dinosaurs are not alive anymore."
Isaiah: "What! Are you kidding me?"


Me: "How many pieces of candy did you eat?"
Judah: "ONE!"
Me: "Then why are there NINE wrappers in your bedroom?"
Isaiah: "Well, we EACH had one."
Me: "Well, there's only TWO of you!"
Isaiah:
Judah:

Judah: "I love you!"
Me: "YEA?! Why do you love me?"
Judah: "Because you're a good cooker and picker upper. You also know a lot about oils."


Me: "Why do we eat vegetables?"
Judah: "I only eat carrots."
Isaiah: "OOH OOH OH!! So we are not constipated!!!!"
Judah: "That is not right."

Me: "You guys, please be quiet, I am tutoring Anna."
Isaiah: "Toot-er."
Judah: "YEA! Toot!"
Both: "TOOTER ANNA!!!!!"
#minions


Judah: "What can we call this hammer?"
Me: "Knuckle Sandwich?"
Judah: "How about AWESOME? Rock Star? Or Punk?"
Me: "Whaaaaa?"
Judah: "Or sponge."

Bella: *screaming* *throwing things from purse*
Me: "Would you like some water?"
Bella: "NO!"
Me: "Would you like a snack?"
Bella: "NO!"
Me:
Bella: "MONEY!!!!!!!"

Jesus doesn't say "hot mess"

"Who are YOU?"

I just blinked back tears and shook my head, "I can't answer that."


It was the kind of interview that one should ace. The most elementary of questions, and I'm scanning
the room with jetty eyes hoping the answer will suddenly pop out of the wallpaper or something. I mean
I could have given the rote litany of my achievements, college GPA, all the titles associated with my
life: child of God, wife, momma, blogger, ministry director, missionary, blah blah blah. A resume that
can stand on it's own. But me? I'm just falling over. Because I can't answer that question.

I've spent most of my life running. Literally. I'm not a runner, but on a bad day I can break out my
tennis shoes and run a mile flat to feel pain, to feel alive, to feel like I'm getting away from whatever it is that haunts me. And then there are all the less actual parts of my life that keep me waking up every morning, putting on "my face" whether I have somewhere to be or not, going and doing A, B, C...
D, E, F, G... because if I can just keep up this fugitive act!

I will not become that.
Whatever it is that I'm so afraid of.

And in the process I've lost sight of who I really am.

Is this midlife crisis material or what? Because I don't know. It's scary as heck, but also exciting.
It's so easy to spend all the time giving and giving in the name of Jesus -- taking care of my family,
husband, children, my people -- but when you run me through a scanner? You'll see the façade.

You'll see that it's easier to DO than to be. It's easier to RUN than to stay. It's easier to IGNORE
than address. It's easier to PRETEND than admit. I'm fine. Oh I'm fine. I'm really fine.

I AM NOT FINE. And that's ok.

Growing up is amazing. Can't wait to see what another ten years does for me!
It's humbling. I am not invincible. You all knew that, but I didn't.

I mean, I went to Target the other day commando. I was wearing sweats of course, but not being
"totally put together" is a big step for me. And let me tell you, it was FREEING! I also haven't
vacuumed my house in over a week, and I quit apologizing for still being in bed when my husband
comes to kiss me goodbye before work. Beds get made if they get made. Laundry gets done if it gets
done. And I have a hair appointment next week...

Hahaha. It's not THAT bad of a midlife crisis.

Running has done the complete opposite of what I imagined it could do for me. Instead of liberating
me from all my problems, it has literally chained me in a room with all the issues piled up because
I'm a professional when it comes to pretending everything is ok. But I'm done. SO done.

I've stood and I've fought and I've let this whole wide world break against me.
Let me say that again, against ME. I know what you're thinking. Doesn't she know Jesus?!
Why yes, I do, but I like to put Him out of a job a lot -- and for that I'm truly sorry.

If you run into me in public, you have the right to wonder if I'm wearing any underwear at all.
I'd say it's safe to assume that if you come over for a visit it's no longer ok to eat anything
off my floors. It's not about GIVING UP -- it's about giving it all up to the God who made me and
knows me and loves me and wants me to be happy in this life and the next.

I'm surrendering my orange fugitive kicks and laying down my arms.

I just want to be able to answer the question.

"Who are you?"

Not what is expected. Not what is to be avoided.

If you stood before Jesus today what would He speak over you?
Who would He say you are? I don't think "hot mess" is part of His vocabulary.
Could be wrong. But I'm thinking He would have praises to sing -- ones that you and I can't even
see ourselves. Let THAT be our song today as we dance IN our underwear.

Natural Family Planning: A Two Way Street

I quit buying pregnancy tests four months ago.
Another month, another negative, another stick in the garbage and a husband asking, "So?"
No pressure of course. Just loving expectancy. Both of us.

Before we got married, Nathan and I made a commitment to not use birth control or sterilization
in our marriage. Whaaa? Yea, we had visions of a dozen kids, a 15 passenger van, and appearances on
Good Morning America. And who knows - maybe that will still happen! I'm young. Hopeful.

But if it doesn't, I am learning to be ok with that.
Why God has not given us another baby - I do not understand.
At the rate we started out, 2 babies - 15 months apart, I admit I was worried we'd beat the Duggars!

After Judah was born, we chose to use Natural Family Planning for a time; watching, noting the signs of
my cycle and abstaining when fertile. Each month brought a new prayer, things to discuss, to discern
to the best of our ability, with God, what was right for our family. And then last Spring, all the "issues"
the "hold ups" dissolved and we were excited that God seemed to be opening the door for baby #3.

I just knew we would be pregnant right away, and most likely with twins - as we were obviously
a fountain of fertility right out of the gates! No, those who use Natural Family Planning are not
always called "PARENTS" in the ways that some people expect.

The funny thing is, in this brief time of no conception - in the grand scheme of things - compared to so
many others I know who have longed for just one baby- I have LIVED what I PREACH and that is:

NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING IS A TWO WAY STREET.

We have to trust God either way; in times of abstaining and in times of conceiving.
And that's terribly hard. Whichever way you are walking. I get that now, more than ever.


I never saw big gaps between my children. I never dreamed of a "small" family.
And yet, His ways are better than my ways. His dreams are bigger than my dreams.
He sees it all and knows... on this street of ours.

That doesn't mean I don't cry every now and then when I realize we are still not pregnant.
It just means that I know God is God and I am not. My brain gets it. Someone, tell my heart.

And in the words of so many loving, well-intentioned people,
"Maybe God is giving you this time of not being pregnant or with a newborn for a reason."

Yes... but that is just SCARY! For a reason?! What reason?
"You're not having a baby because you've got a disease!
...or you're going to lose your house!...or you know?!"

I'm really just being funny here, because I DO have to laugh and rejoice
in the LIFE that IS given!!! And trust that no matter what - it's all working out for His glory.

Thriving in the Trenches of Toddlerhood

My name is Brittany and I am an avid "sprint through life" addict.
Even as a child, I would count down the days to the next big event in my life.
I couldn't wait to be 13 and wear make-up. 16 and get a car.
18 and smoke a cigar and be a missionary (yes, those 2 things!),
19 go to college, 22 get married, 23 graduate and have a baby...

check. check. check.
If life was a marathon, I'd be winning. Probably.

The problem with rushing through the seasons of my life is that sometimes
I MISS the beauty of the present moment. Marathon or not, that's lame.

With my oldest being 3 right now I get asked A LOT by the general public,
"Ooooooh is he going to pre-school!?"

Pre-school?! I've heard rumors of pre-k 3. I think the government made that up to take our
children away from us one year sooner. I do believe that is my first political rant on my blog.
Don't worry. It's over.

As of right now, we really feel called to homeschool our children!
I was homeschooled (my husband was too - off and on) and it just feels like a
way of life for us. Something we can't imagine NOT doing for our own kids.

And let me tell you - I am aching to get to a homeschooling conference,
order books, start little projects, experiments, charts!!!
I confess: I am already subscribed to the local homeschooling group newsletter.
I pour over the details and daydream about being active...

but then something in my heart whispers: "Wait."

For the first time in my life it just feels right to SLOW DOWN.
Dare I say, to savor toddlerhood?!

I will NEVER have this time in my life back. And I realize that more than ever now.
There will never be a time when I have toddlers and no school-aged kids again.
As hard as this time in my life can be - I don't want to miss these moments.

So I'll just be over here. Thriving in the trenches of toddlerhood.
Feel free to send supplies... coffee, chocolate, free babysitters!!!



"Let us strive to make the present moment beautiful."
||| St. Francis de Sales |||