What I Want My Kids to Know about Dating in High School

This has been a long time coming. I guess since I had one boyfriend in high school, I am
basically the Jedi Master on the topic - all things considered. I joke. But I've had enough
folks ask me about my thoughts on the matter, I figured I'd make it official and POST.

I have to prelude this with a significant disclaimer - in the likely case that some hundred
people (give or take) who knew me and said boyfriend in high school are reading this.

I honestly don't think that a more "ideal" dating situation for two 17 year olds could be
constructed. We were both homeschooled, from big families, with solid formation and strong
convictions in the morality department. Obviously, we went our separate ways 2 years later,
but I wouldn't say that it was a "failed" relationship or one that I "regret".

I just wish I had been able to see the big picture.

It was a small chapter of my life; one that God allowed to be written for one reason or another.
The relationship definitely changed me. Not for the worse or anything, but that's what happens,
right? People leave an impression - and that's why I don't "regret" the whole thing. I mean it
plays a part in who I am today. And thus a POST is born. There you go.

You know, my parents were right though. I love admitting that NOW, but at the time I would
have cried them an ocean of estrogen if they would have ACTED on what they tried to tell me.

THERE IS TIME.
JUST BE SEVENTEEN.

They also had all these other crazy ideas about "courtship" and "chaperoned encounters"
in the living room which I promptly poo-pooed all over because "we are NOT the Duggars!"
Luckily they didn't push that agenda, but I had to share because it wasn't funny then,
but it sure is funny now!

Anyway. I digress.

Here are the 3 things that I want my own kids to know about dating in high school...

1.) FRIENDS. Focus on friends. Guys friends - gal friends - ENJOY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE.
Take advantage of those "non romantic" relationships to learn about who you really are
and want to become. I think it's hard to concentrate on others around you when you are
raging with adolescent hormones. Am I wrong? I mean, when you're "in love", you eat, sleep,
breathe that interest. More or less - depends I guess.

But spend the weekends with your friends - eating Ben and Jerry's out of the carton
and having lip-syncing contests with hairbrush microphones. Or if you're a boy, do whatever
boys do?! Make fire, shoot some tin cans, eat an entire convenient store worth of potato chips?
You catch my drift.

You will have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to spend with your spouse. Wait for it. Just be.

2.) FUTURE SPOUSE. Speaking of "your spouse" - PRAY FOR THEM. Know that if you are
called to dating and marriage that it is waiting for you. Dating in high school may or may not, but
most likely, present opportunities that weigh on the virtues of purity and chastity. It's a lot
to deal with even OUTSIDE OF HIGH SCHOOL - let alone when you're dealing with those raging
hormones I was talking about above. Not worth it. Don't carry that challenge until you are
good and ready.

Not that my kids will care or want to mimic me, but writing letters to my future spouse was
SO GOOD for my own heart. Definitely made me "think twice" about who I dated and how I carried
myself in those relationships. My future spouse was REAL to me. You will NEVER regret honoring
them in all ways.

3.) JESUS. He has a PLAN FOR YOU in your singleness - things that He wants you to
accomplish without a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or children attached. Look for it, love it, live it!
Whether that's school, mission work, ministry, etc. I don't know. But I DO know that you should take
advantage of the season and be fully alive in the joy of that. You might still do school, mission work,
ministry, etc. WITH your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or children someday (and it will be beautiful!),
but love the moments before and hold nothing back.

But I think making decisions about what comes after high school will be easier, more clear,
more of WHO YOU ARE and less of WHO "WE" ARE without a significant other in the picture.
You've gotta do what YOU are called to do before you say "I DO!"

Jesus dreams BIG for you. Give Him your hands, your heart - always do HIS will.
Momma can't argue with that.



People have asked me if I'll let my own kids date in high school. I have no plans of stopping
them at the moment. But you can bet they'll have to "hear it all" from their mother just in case
they might be swayed. If THAT fails, I may have to try scaring them away from the idea with
some of those "living room courtship" ideas my own parents had for me! Wink.

5 Year Anniversary

For our 5th anniversary we were able to steal away - just the two of us!
Uninterrupted conversation, the freedom to be spontaneous, eye contact, holding hands,
sleeping in, great food, beating my husband at chess for the first time, dreaming, sharing,
living life side by side - all such an incredible gift. We feel so very blessed to have these
5 years. Our hearts are full. Thank you, Jesus.

We stayed at the most enchanting bed & breakfast in the city - a small taste of Italy in Chicago!
I cannot say enough good things about Villa D' Citta. The old world charm, the luxurious details,
the 5 star service. Cathy, the hostess, not only greeted us by name, but went out the night
we arrived to buy gluten-free Belgian waffle mix so that I could have the full experience as well!
I don't remember the last time I had a Belgian waffle. I could have kissed her.

If you are coming to the city or looking for a romantic escape - Villa D' Citta.
And I was NOT paid to say that. Just sayin'.

Things You Didn't Say When We Were Dating

True to pregnant lady form, I frantically scoured the shelves at Whole Foods for a box of
pudding that I just had to have. An employee gently asks, "Can I help you?"
Me: "Why yes!" I NEEEEEEED a box of pudding!"
Worker: "My wife was pregnant once, I know how this goes."
Me: "Mmmmm hmmmm... pudding?"
Worker: "I'm sure your husband would drive to Indianapolis to get you what you are craving!"
Me: "I doubt it. This is our third and he's pretty much like: get over it."

First year of marriage? First baby? Sure. But here we are, going on 5 years...
and I'm driving MYSELF to the local El Burrito Loco to eat my weight in tacos!
Mainly because I can't wait for him to get home from work, and partly because
I'm embarrassed by how much my pregnant body can eat!

Often I hear people say, "Marriage changes things." And it usually has such a negative
ring to it. It's true that things change when you get married - to be expected, right?!
Marriage isn't dating and dating isn't marriage - obviously - and each of those seasons
come with their own set of unique blessings and challenges. Oh I believe you should "date your spouse"
and all. Keep the romance, connection, fireworks, "whatever makes you happy" - kindled, alive, and
burning for 50+ years of "I DO"!!! But don't let people fool you into thinking that marriage is going
to "change things" for the worse. Marriage can be the most painfully awesome adventure of your life!!!
It's what you make of it. Make love. Make war. Make babies. Make-out. Make-up. Make peace.

Make marriage work! Here's to the little things that mean the most.



Me: "Don't kiss me with chapstick all over your lips."
Nathan: "It has come to this."

Nathan: "Can I have a drink from your water bottle?"
Me: "Sure, don't put your mouth on it."
Nathan: "Are you kidding?"
Me: "No, you could give me germs."
Nathan: "We swap more germs making-out than sharing water bottles."
Me:
Nathan: "5 years of marriage. 5 years. And now we don't share drinks."

Me: "Remember when you wrote me notes?"
Nathan: "Yea."
Me: "I think the last time was 4 or 5 months ago. I don't like notes anyway."
Nathan: "HA!"
Me: "No, seriously - if you write me a note TOMORROW because I mentioned this...
it will mean nothing. It's got to be YOUR idea or I'll just shred it."
Nathan: "You are something else."

Nathan: "Hey, we're going to watch soccer."
Me: "But I was going to watch Food Network!"
Nathan: "Aw sorry, babe. You can watch Food Network. LATER."

Nathan: "It smells like dog in here."
Me: "Weeeeell, I can assure you there is NO dog in the house."
Nathan: "I think it's the meatloaf."
Me: "I think you need to stop talking right now."

Nathan: "It annoys me that you leave the drain out of the sink all the time!"
Me: "Oh yea? Well, it annoys me that you point the shower head towards the curtain!"
5 years ago I know a compromise could be met. Now we just hold our ground and smirk. Bliss.

Why I No Longer Watch: The Bachelor

The premier of this season's "The Bachelor" came along with a social media cyclone of
comments and pictures concerning a certain Juan Pablo and his 27 lady friends.

Not gonna lie, I tried to convince myself that my decision to STOP The Bachelor,
The Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad (I had it bad, guys) madness in my life was prudish,
over-cautious, and down right un-American! I felt a tad on the addict side as I skimmed through
statuses trying to gather the "feel" for this season. Does Juan Pablo really not have all
the lights on upstairs?! OH. MY. GOSH. Make it STOP!

The last season I watched was Emily Maynard. Can we say, "Oh, Brad?!"
I mean I'm being funny and all, but it's really not funny.

Don't worry, I'm not going to drag out my soapbox or anything!
Goodness, this is a matter of the conscience, the heart.
Roses all around!

I knew after my third year around The Bachelor block that something was amiss deep within me.
I felt restless when watching episode after episode of people acting in ways that don't exactly
bring life. And we all know how I feel about life! Cattiness, arguments, immodesty, promiscuity...
all crammed into what - 9 weeks - give or take? But for the sake of LOVE?
I'm sorry, and I know that it has worked for a handful of couples,
but that is one messy, messed up way of finding love.


// image credit
I began to feel guilty, embarrassed for buying into such cheap entertainment -
at the emotional, spiritual expense of the participants.

I would never apply for a show like that.
So why would I tune in and give my vote of approval?

It really hit me hard when my little sister came to stay with me during a season
of The Bachelor. Fourteen years old - and I had this sense to protect her from such
absurd, dysfunctional courtship behavior. A drive to protect what should be so noble,
honorable, and pure - exclusive, alluring, captivating - kicked in and I took a break
from the show so as not to expose her to what I was willing to expose myself to?!

Ding dong. Apparently not all the lights are on upstairs in my own head!

When the next season rolled around, I knew it was time to say "goodbye"...

Out of respect for the participants - because I truly believe they are worth
and deserve so much more than that. To uphold the dignity and sanctity of courtship
and marriage. To honor my own husband and marriage - because honestly, it all made
me a tad restless - wondering about my own personality, body, etc. - wishing we could
go on crazy dates around the world, yadda yadda... cyyyyyyclone.

And that is why I no longer watch The Bachelor.
If you care.
The End.

But seriously, for the love of Juan Pablo... think about it?

Things You Didn't Say When We Were Dating

I'm not going to sugar-coat it for you... marriage changes things.
I mean it's nothing to write home about, but it's something you might want
to mention to your brain. One day you don't care if you both just ate
a minced garlic pizza, you're gonna make-out... next thing you know
you're passing out Orbit and asking him not to put his arm around you
because oh. my. gosh. you're messing up my hair!

Each passing year brings us to a whole new level of comfortable.
We do and say things that would shock and appall our "dating" selves,
and I love it. Our relationship becomes more transparent, more authentic,
more worn, warm, tried, and true as the days slip into years and the years
weave together the tapestry of a lifetime.

Here's to being more open about bodily functions,
telling each other what we really think,
and brushing our teeth before anything goes down!



"Please take your hand off my back. It's sticking to me."

"I love it when you fall asleep in the kids' room
so that I can have our queen-size bed all to myself."

"Brush your teeth. I want to kiss you."

"Do you like these skinny jeans on me?"
"I like YOU."
"Yea, but the skinny jeans?"
"I like YOU."

"Let's play masseuse. I'll be your customer."
"I'm tired and have to work in the morning."
"I wish I was still your GIRLFRIEND."

"You look pretty when you sleep. Except when you fall asleep sitting up.
Then it's all ugly - weird eye movement - and drooling with your mouth open."

"You make that ZIT look beautiful."

"Ok. Don't kiss me anymore. You taste like turkey."

"I don't want to hold your hand on the carousel,
it's sweaty and people will think we're weird."

"Don't go to sleep. Stay up with me and work... and eat apple pie!"
"I'm sooooo tired."
"If we were dating you would NOT be sleeping."
"If we were dating I would NOT be getting up for work at 5:30AM."



And they all said, "Amen."